ode to the Chav

Tia NooK

 

I have always done some pretty crazy things in the name of love, like packing every belonging I have in some nomadic fit and moving two hours away to a lake that is named after me

I renamed it shaunigan lake however from shawnigan lake lol

In the name of love chasing after love I have almost lost my life, travelled into foreign countries

Dared myself to be different and challenged what I normally would do

I thought I had the strength to be a country boy with a handsome mountain man that is a loving, kind, gentle, soulful and beautiful lover

It just didn’t fit like a glove for me

The whirlwind romance was a beautiful thing for the both of us but my inherent lonliness and dependency on another really got to me.

It would have been easy to simply say well if we did this or if we changed that everything would be different and we would have no issues

I found the country life and dependency on a man to be intriguing

Enough to warrant pseudo performance art

That is what happened essentially

It was romance and performance art

After a months long internet romance or bromance as I like to call it and while up in a forest nook tucked away from it all I decided to make the jump and move in with him on a whim and take a gamble so to speak

People around me critique my motivations for up  and moving on a whim but I have always been a gambler in a sense with life and just feeling the energy of the grid has always been motivating

I have an excuse for up and moving and doing something crazy

I have a mental illness and strong impulse control issues

But its not just that

I am liberated financially and am able to up and move anywhere in my province and still have an income

Almost a curse

But being there in the forest made me figure out essentially what is important to me in the city out in the world

Aries being fiercely independent cannot subscribe to a life of dependence

I like to have control over my realm to some degree

I also found that waiting and fulfilling partner was in a sense exhausting and I figured out essentially what I value which is my personal time as well to take on sometimes ten hour marathons of writing and art or whatever comes to my mind

Out there I was so set on making him happy I forgot to make myself happy with my projects

My existence essentially was pointless and just that of a pseudo housewife

Not something I despise though – I am fascinated with the idea of serving a man endlessly

I am fascinated and obsessed with the idea of love to the point of well obsession lol

I have essentially figured out now that I have lived that life that it wasn’t a fit like a glove for me

I am dying inside trying to come to terms with my unhappiness and the fact that I failed a beautiful man and caused him to have hurt feelings and such but that was not my intent

I went full on into love and this existence with the truest intentions and with the name of love in mind

I was willing to overlook my own happiness so that another may feel truly blessed

Essentially this is what makes me the person I am

I am a performance artist and an enchanted one

I follow the signs life givez me, and have almost zero responsibility

In moving out there I have successfully quit marijuana

While the temptation was great upon my return and just to solve it all with one tasty smoking joint for five dollars

He helped me understand and innerstand that it probably was doing me more harm than anything being so financially obsessed about a weed

I am not going to be a nazi about marijuana either I believe it does some good in peoples lives like help them come to terms with their inherent slavery and the pain of existence

While our bible belt alcohol soaked rulers (the conservatives -unelected bilderburger freemasons) want to jail every pot smoker I believe whole heartedly that this is the wrong approach(we live in the illusion of a democracy-it is a corporate fascist masonic dictatorship)

I now question whether legalizing it is a good option as well but have always leaned on providing the weed to the populace in a safe means with support for addictions rather than forcing people to buy it by the poundfulls from gang members and thugs just so they can attain that enlightened state

The irony as well is that we operate in a two tier society where there is a  hidden echelon that is permitted to use the plant based on the fact that they are sick or ill or dying while the rest get penalized and fined and thrown in jail for providing this medicine to people that otherwise cannot join this hidden clique or secret society of permitted pot smokers

So essentially he allowed me to come to terms with my own enlightened state and really figure out for myself what I need in life and how much I value living in a metropolis

I was able to show affection to a beautiful feline with a raspy meow that was just amazing

I was able to connect with a man and cook him dinner and show him that there is somebody out there willing to say you matter to me and essentially isn’t this what love is

And what people strive for

This most ultimate enlightened wisdom state where the answers come to you slowly as you open up your being to the possibilities

-          Shaun A. Delage 

quarry talk

The past month has been a whirlwind romance in the woods with a mountain man

I find the life of rural living to be intriguing but after living the life for a month I realized that it is not for me.

The isolation really got to me, not having my own comforts I am used too

I also strongly believe I am asexual at this point which affects 1% of the populace

I believe I have a lot to offer somebody other than a sexual life but in a sense I felt it was unfair to bring this to the table when he deserved somebody that is more able to satisfy his needs

I find sexuality to be stifling and complex and being proudly gay and then leaning on asexual has me mystified as to the realms of sexuality

I appreciate being able to come into his life and likewise him with me
I was able to put some rest to my binge marijuana smoking

While I am tempted to smoke it again

I realize that marijuana wont bring me the enlightenment I require

And when your smoking $80 in one night and get nowhere

What is the purpose

I have actually grown to enjoy my enlightened state

While in my mountain cabin in the woods I discovered what we take for granted in the cities

I discovered that there are calmer more gentler souls out there that are not focus so solely on materialism and chasing after the things that media instills on us

I don’t view me moving out of my home and into a cabin and then moving out and back home as a falure per se

I am also able to dimensionally travel more when I am off of marijuana

The kindness and hospitality shown to me has been immense and I thank this man from the bottom of my heart for helping me discover and put to rest my monastic desire

I have realized that perhaps being tucked away in the forest in the middle of nowhere will bring me no enlightenment

My purpose is out here

Anyways I am going to hop offline now but wanted to write my thoughts on my adventures for my blogbuddies

-          Shaun A. Delage

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