I have always done some pretty crazy things in the name of
love, like packing every belonging I have in some nomadic fit and moving two
hours away to a lake that is named after me
I renamed it shaunigan lake however from shawnigan lake lol
In the name of love chasing after love I have almost lost my
life, travelled into foreign countries
Dared myself to be different and challenged what I normally
would do
I thought I had the strength to be a country boy with a
handsome mountain man that is a loving, kind, gentle, soulful and beautiful
lover
It just didn’t fit like a glove for me
The whirlwind romance was a beautiful thing for the both of
us but my inherent lonliness and dependency on another really got to me.
It would have been easy to simply say well if we did this or
if we changed that everything would be different and we would have no issues
I found the country life and dependency on a man to be
intriguing
Enough to warrant pseudo performance art
That is what happened essentially
It was romance and performance art
After a months long internet romance or bromance as I like
to call it and while up in a forest nook tucked away from it all I decided to
make the jump and move in with him on a whim and take a gamble so to speak
People around me critique my motivations for up and moving on a whim but I have always been a
gambler in a sense with life and just feeling the energy of the grid has always
been motivating
I have an excuse for up and moving and doing something crazy
I have a mental illness and strong impulse control issues
But its not just that
I am liberated financially and am able to up and move
anywhere in my province and still have an income
Almost a curse
But being there in the forest made me figure out essentially
what is important to me in the city out in the world
Aries being fiercely independent cannot subscribe to a life
of dependence
I like to have control over my realm to some degree
I also found that waiting and fulfilling partner was in a
sense exhausting and I figured out essentially what I value which is my
personal time as well to take on sometimes ten hour marathons of writing and
art or whatever comes to my mind
Out there I was so set on making him happy I forgot to make
myself happy with my projects
My existence essentially was pointless and just that of a
pseudo housewife
Not something I despise though – I am fascinated with the
idea of serving a man endlessly
I am fascinated and obsessed with the idea of love to the
point of well obsession lol
I have essentially figured out now that I have lived that
life that it wasn’t a fit like a glove for me
I am dying inside trying to come to terms with my
unhappiness and the fact that I failed a beautiful man and caused him to have
hurt feelings and such but that was not my intent
I went full on into love and this existence with the truest
intentions and with the name of love in mind
I was willing to overlook my own happiness so that another
may feel truly blessed
Essentially this is what makes me the person I am
I am a performance artist and an enchanted one
I follow the signs life givez me, and have almost zero
responsibility
In moving out there I have successfully quit marijuana
While the temptation was great upon my return and just to
solve it all with one tasty smoking joint for five dollars
He helped me understand and innerstand that it probably was
doing me more harm than anything being so financially obsessed about a weed
I am not going to be a nazi about marijuana either I believe
it does some good in peoples lives like help them come to terms with their
inherent slavery and the pain of existence
While our bible belt alcohol soaked rulers (the
conservatives -unelected bilderburger freemasons) want to jail every pot smoker I believe whole heartedly that this
is the wrong approach(we live in the illusion of a democracy-it is a corporate fascist masonic dictatorship)
I now question whether legalizing it is a good option as
well but have always leaned on providing the weed to the populace in a safe
means with support for addictions rather than forcing people to buy it by the
poundfulls from gang members and thugs just so they can attain that enlightened
state
The irony as well is that we operate in a two tier society
where there is a hidden echelon that is
permitted to use the plant based on the fact that they are sick or ill or dying
while the rest get penalized and fined and thrown in jail for providing this
medicine to people that otherwise cannot join this hidden clique or secret society
of permitted pot smokers
So essentially he allowed me to come to terms with my own
enlightened state and really figure out for myself what I need in life and how
much I value living in a metropolis
I was able to show affection to a beautiful feline with a
raspy meow that was just amazing
I was able to connect with a man and cook him dinner and
show him that there is somebody out there willing to say you matter to me and
essentially isn’t this what love is
And what people strive for
This most ultimate enlightened wisdom state where the
answers come to you slowly as you open up your being to the possibilities
-
Shaun A. Delage
