The linguistic earth we inhabit with countless rules to follow
My earth does not inhabit thousands of rules or policies
I am sure yours does to some degree
But you can live with a minimal amount of directive in your life
and still attain a degree of enlightenment
Much of my captivation piece assaults medicine. Mostly for what i feel what was done to me on the psychiatric ward while i was supposedly very sick and needed to be hospitalized
But the fact of the matter is when your sick there is no options other than the care given
Not many people go to their MD and think “this person has carved up a dead body” no you deal with them on a human level ...
Being an enemy of masonry i have come to the understanding that my death may come at any time
But also very brutally- that is why i have attempted to bring my art and writing into the digital avenue where it will sit on various microchips around the globe for the perpetual existence of the net
While the Vancouver oracle told me i will live a very long life
Perhaps it may be so and that i welcome.
I just want to be able to live a life on my terms, with my own rules. My own guidance
I want to live without my life being dictated about at every turn.
Much of my new book i am writing is directive of morpheus in my life the god of dreams
And i have in a sense taken this blog and turned it from blogger to fiction
Much like the writing style i have made a main character that can go into a virtual world I made up and travel dimensions and he meets gurus and goes to raves and there is another character that can do poetry
I am on chapter 42 currently of the rough draft and i keep going
Probably have another 40 chapters
So i have dreams and my own given directive rather than having everything laid out for me or living a life where i am under ‘their’ guidance doing ‘their’ work and ‘their’ directives
Rather i am in my own world doing my own thing being my own sovereign person and that is how it should be
Perhaps it is the nature of the curse on me or my illness but i am very perceptive.
I hear things that people say come up a few hours later and it is troubling
I tend not to freak out about it though and already people are starting to say some characters from my book etc
It kind of scares me i wonder who would know intimate details of my life etc
But it can all be read in the aura then you bring in the notion of invisible guardians controlling our and everyone you meets moves so there is quite the paradoxical world we live in
I am also dealing with something that i have been aware of for about a year is i am 28 now
And most people lived to be my age at some point and then died a hundred or so years ago and before that as well
It is crazy to think of how short of a life they had
Must have been easier in that life, although things are paradoxically easier now that we live to be in our hundreds
So i am here thinking of my own mortality and really pondering it
I know i will have a very long life
What it comes down to is cheating your way through, acting your role, living your part
And outsmarting those that place restrictions on your being
I know i am living the past year in renunciation and probably the next one as well
Renunciation so that i may have a good time when i am 30 years old
I will be able to afford to go out and party and have fun, i may be able to afford a home and other things
So i give up this year so that i may enjoy the next few in relative comfort
Usually it is the opposite with gay society when your 16 you tend to enter the club scene and spend it there until you look very aged when your in your 30’s from drinking so much or you catch some sexual infection and you become bitter about life.
I have always looked at the past ten years as a sort of renunciative state of introspection
Maybe my whole life with be in renunciation i don’t know
Part of me just wants to be able to go to the club and have a few drinks and smoke one with some friends and listen to music
At this point i am unable too
I just have hope in the future i will be able to enjoy my life a bit more
These days when i think of that i go envelope myself in my book and yet another chapter
I have things looming over my mind like, no literature background no grammar skill, dropped out in grade 9 only to get my GED a few years later. Then i have people i tell about my book saying things like “oh manuscripts never get picked up these days” “your going into the wrong field” “it may never get picked up” “there is gay characters in it?”
Flustered for a moment or two i kind of angrily shoot back “My book is different, it is going to be a star”
People think what they see of me on the surface level or through advanced telepathic information is the correct version
What changes my own viewpoint is me reading a few chapterz of my book and i just smile because i know i have something and what everyone i deal with broadcasts secretly is that they couldn’t do it on their own, they needed help...be it submitting or going to school or finding an employer,or sugardad etc
Essentially they were not karmically imbued with GOD GIVEN talent to make it happen and this to me is shocking because 100% of the people i deal with in familiarity or simple occurance have had to submit like this.
I know there is a supremely high up level that could access my book from the computer mainframe etc
And they also know too I am going to be a star
It is literally being funnelled all the way down into everyone i deal with
My book is going to be one that gets a cult following :P
After it is published people will want to see the movie
It will be nice going into the club in a rolls Royce from all the publishing royalties
And EVERYONE will know who you are because you walk in with a hot security officer
And you just buy the whole crowd a glass of champagne and smile, for you had faith in yourself and your talents and your dreams most of all
I ask my guides to show me the way
And what i get is a nice delight it is a raven the bird of conspiracy lol
It took me to the middle of nowhere and people were doing a game show
One guy had to take a stand on an elevated stone pinhead while the others did challenges to try and set him free
I walked up the mountain side and could see hundreds of thousands of nag champa incense littered all over the mountain side The blue packages and trademark packaging stuck out and it made me happy
Next the raven took me to
A guy got shot so i was handed power over a corporation and i got to sit on a CEO chair and eat a meal with two guys with elevated teaching boxes like found on the vipassana meditation courses
Next the raven took me to a mobile command unit where i took everyone hostage including the cooks and i got to feel up a really thin and hot cop omg
Next the raven took me to a school where there was a shooting we were at and evidence techs were everywhere and me and this kid practiced singing in a hallway it was so fun we were singing a song from Moulin rouge and believe me i could sing better than Real life
Wanting more
Yet wanting less
Timing for more
But needing less
And figuring more
For less
And wanting less for more
Trying to find more
Amidst less
And figuring less while wanting more
We want more
But will it find us amidst less?
- Shaun A. Delage
