My sexuality however striking it is or how the establishment sees it as ... abnormal, when it is the state that inscribed my inherent sexuality on me to begin with. Sexuality is something that i am extremely fond of. And protect. It is something close to my heart because i believe in love above all else
I believe that i can love another man in a way that nobody can relate to or figure out deeply and with no ill intentions
That i could hold hands with him and marry him
I was in cadets in a summer camp and this is where many find themselves in their youth simply because there is nothing to do, and we generally do not live in a very fun society for youth. You cant even go to a street fest (or smoke a joint without being shaked up by the cops.) You cant find solace in a society hell bent on appeasing the older generations, that actually work for their right to be here. What a boring place to live in and to try and adapt to
Newayz Segregated sexes , pubescent males, clear shower curtains, sweat, hormones, beautiful men all around...this is the nature of cadets
We were all abused physically and (psychologically sexually) by some twisted female officer at this one camp who hit and tormented all of us because she could. A few -pseudo revolted- against her sexual and power games so she claimed discrimination.
And sent some brutal and sadistic violent gunnery officers to discipline us making us do ten thousand pushups while torturing us, violently yelling at us, and we were just boyz
It got to the point where i and several other cadets passed out from stress and were brought to a medical facility and given a sedative when i awoke there was people standing over me saying i had been out for two days and that there was a federal human rights investigation
Where they brought us escorted by padres to a room where statements were taken and we were given a new officer in command
I was mysteriously invited to a commanding officers lunch which i barely remember and then me and a blonde boy my first crush were taken away to a military jail for throwing shaving cream on some guy that made it is goal to torture everyone on the group with his psychological drama including tying a rock to his ankle and threatening to jump off a jetty that was 70 feet high and blaming it on me and this blonde boy named john
We were marched to prison and tried and convicted to spend a day in this place under three levels of security and a watchful guard and under complete boredom had my first gay love experience with this stud omg fantastic at least some good came out of this whole thing
It is amusing to think that my sexuality was subliminally inscribed on me on a military base under so much security and impossible to escape the sadism instituted by the command so much secrecy and having the rights taken away as a youth
So to be instilled with a lifetime of self identity seems funny given so much secrecy and abuse
However fun it was i cant escape the fact that this was neuro sexual torture while your brain is developing and power youth sex play all under the guise of being on HER MAJESTYS CANADIAN SHIP Quadra. That many of our youth are subscribed to this and have instilled on them
That seeming events while having a separation of authority are held under the watchful eye of those that run these sexual and power torture camps.
So i feel that sexuality is somewhat illusion when 99% of people i meet hint that i am abnormal or detested form of a human being. That sexuality is something never to be ashamed of
When your 12 years to 14 years old and you have a few adult male petty officers guiding you, disciplining you ...and parading around from their bunk to the showers with nothing on and you notice how huge they are and how much hair they have down there in comparison your mind begins to wander with the possibilities of your sexual future
That while my first choice sexuality wise may have a real sense of federal conspiracy
I cant deny that it is a catagorization of beauty in my life
That sexuality itself is a crazed notion to attempt to defend with so much illusion present
But i have dealt with so much hatred with my inclination to romance another man, that i have met with many demons and laughed in their face while they themselves call themselves a fag while their having sex with meh
I cant deny that nobody is ever complete in the realm of sexual satisfaction
That the only thing that would work is some degree of temperance in this desire, otherwise you end up with two irreversible outcomes, breaking your loves heart for cheating or getting a serious disease
When you meet the lover of your dreams it is best not to see them as some twisted sex slave
It is best to see them as a being of ever presence
to see them as a tool or pawn to satisfy you is illusion but to neglect them is cruelty
the being in front of you is displaying their love as a being that waited thousands of years to obtain a human body and to mesh well and become close soulmates
this is the essential key to survival
never best to exhaust them then five years down the road get bored of them and cheat or look for something else to start the cycle endlessly
oh for those that are later on in their life that so cruelly rejected dozens of people in their lifetime because of their own insatiable greed for unbridled lust
that they see the world as a virtual bathhouse
i say hey man get your head in check
it is so easy to attach to beautiful monogamy with the internet you are given a world of choices and fantasies you can share together and never need to cheat in the next two thousand millennia
this is where much of the contempt from the older generations lies at this point with the advent of the technological sexual freedom era
essentially if you cant communicate with your lover then what do you have
in a world where love can also be illusion and financed by the elite we sit and wonder about the timeline and where its leading us
every vision or theory of love is heavily marketed and financed so that the ones that are incapable of love can pass on the illusion that they have the power to love
where i see my own sexuality always under attack i can also see the very few puppet masters that finance the illusion of what it means to be gay
likewise the straight community vehemently denies that they are involved in a world of secretive illusion
it always makes me laugh when i think of the rest of the world as a heterosexual planet
it is deffo not viewed that way through my eyes because through my impressions and observations i simply see the world as a homosexual world (and homosexual as a word is a nasty word to use because it implies that there is a cure to homosexuality)
I don’t see the world how everyone blares their illusion at me at one thousand miles a minute of sexuality
Because to me it is extremely unsettling concept to have this neuro rape instilled on me every 14 seconds everywhere i go
I am sure i am not alone in this that most sexuality is inscribed by neuro repetitive mantras and manipulation by family and media
It really envelopes the greatest conspiracy currently in existence.
The freedom to choose ones path and ones mate without the society shooting them in the face literally in a sea of illusion and very little choices being made available
The choices that are made available are heavily propped up as a solid ever present reality that given the proper faith will work to improve you for your entire lifetime.
- Shaun A. Delage