people think I should be ashamed of myself or hide my past cause I made 10,000 mistakes like fuck no if I did not open the doors of magic I would not be who I am today to fully realize criminality and suffering (addiction etc) My path will help others no matter how controversial one should never hide their past or be ashamed especially if they fully recovered and worked to live a good life for the last 20 years its funny like I should not be honest with people of who I am or where I came from so many people just get lost in addictions and trauma because of theirs and this is what separates me from the abusers is that I have really internalized a lot of it and have addressed it all instead of hiding it within because all THEY do is hide their past from everyone while putting out a public personae and ridicule anyone with sensitivity and struggles as flawed and gross or evil when they are the evil abuser who goes around hurting people all day not me...but I am still convinced most of our past memories of the 80's or 90's etc are false and not actually real to some degree only the present moment is real I have tried to really regress in my memories before sleep like thinking about a specific flashback in detail and I judge it based on my current life and am like um ok that is 100% fake and false and not even real like no shred of evidence exists currently that it even "happened" but I am at a point in my life where I am healing from it all and kind of laugh at a lot of it and go wtf for most of it ahaha I am just really whole these days kind of where a true male or gay male should be...taking responsibility -setting boundaries living how I want (isolation) and making decisions and choices that are sound and realistic since my income comes on one day a month I usually spend it in a day but its all money that I decided where its going over the month like in the 90's I was selling my dick to rich men for $400 an hour and barely survive off $4 a day these days but am really really happy -they could not take care of me legally so they sent their magicians to endlessly stalk me oh well let them its all choice and free will based anyway so they have no hold over me my negative karma has been eradicated through poverty + struggle and activism and seriously helping souls who cannot speak for themselves evolve...they know where they are going but do they know where I am destined to be, ?? well for the time being is here for seemingly every boring day that passes but after all this are you coming back for another eon or will you evolve and go into a super planet of people that admire you? for like all of eternity and known space and time and reality hehehe
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people in mui life start out okay but at some point they are threatened or I suspect totally replaced with another supporting role crisis actor and totally turn against me in a heartbeat and I live in a world with about 10% of family loyalty where in most peoples its 110% I longed for this to change but it never will -I do not have to worry about like killing every known being on earth or really my family leading me back to this place...all I have to worry about is myself and my own choices...I feed hungry animals and help a lot of people have zero criminal record reasonable credit score 21 blogs have done 17k pieces of art - have 2.5 books and 40 .com domains and have won over $70,000 in cash and random junk from my contesting since i started and I have 6 galleries and a professional management consultancy in second life hahaha I will be ok....just worry about your singular soul like if they ever say oh if you dont choose me you will literally cause millions of people to die that is totally unfair like its only your own soul -the great mother would never place a burden on you like oh you are going to decimate a whole planet lmao
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