I must apologize for not giving a discourse in the past
while, I have been adjusting to the fact that we have a 2013 lol, in ways as
well I have been bothered by the impermanent nature of life.
Just near the end of 2012 I lost a dear friend, it happened
to be a feline, I adored her, and now some time has passed where I am able to
think of the good times, and how much I helped her in life.
True is, furthermore that I will leave this earth. I hope I
am old and wrinkled before that happens, but for the life of me can’t imagine
that happening to any of my current kin, whom I adore vastly.
Kind of unfair to ask the creator to go perpetually and to
allow everyone a permanent place here haha
I think being human is a rather complex undertaking, one
many of us never fully think out before we incarnate. It involves a painful
complexity per se, we live with things like surgery, rashes, childbirth,
cancers, toothache, hunger, abuse, poverty, filth, horror, and pain.
Essentially life is what you make it, and instead of
thinking of catastrophe, one can think of how much love, happiness, adoration,
beauty, winnings, reward, amazement, courage, trust, and harmony, we have been
blessed to encounter in this life, along with everything that comes with the 5
senses.
I think back to my manifesto daily, trying to understand it
all, trying to make sense of the cast of characters…trying to define it into
one word, conspiracy/illusion/paradox/insanity haha
Me personally I have not had a life blessed with any level
of routine or normalcy. It is tough to see the world from my eyes, I wake
whenever I can, sleep whenever I can. Lately it has been a bit of both
worlds-some daylight some night. So wake at 10 pm go to bed at 11am sorta deal.
It is more fortunate than my old schedule of wake at 6pm and go to bed at 7am –I
did feel pretty detached from the world then only seeing darkness.
I believe much of my life has been a curse in a sense, but
for almost 11 years unemployed with no set routine or schedule and endless
hours – I think I could safely say that I have not had one dull moment.
My schedule is a pseudo mish mash of meditation, reading,
virtuosity, guided meditation, cooking, cleaning, cat sitting, cat discipline,
techno, news, gambling, incense, crystals, isolation, movies, and nature.
I guess what I really wanted to achieve in this life is
enlightenment. That I am unsure of whether I am enlightened or not. But at
least I have the time, to discover this in myself and the time and essence of a
modern day Buddhist monk, without any religious indoctrination or affiliation.
One would think I would be a very lonely person. I would
need a catalogue to count my virtual friends. My real life friends however I
can count on one hand. – mostly being distant acquaintances but that is the
life of a recluse, and an isolationist.
I strongly believe once you get a taste of social energy –
you are hooked, almost like heroin. And 99% of society is built to appease this
mechanism to the nine, but very very subtle in appearance
Most of our interactions are in public venues, on busses, at
work, at lunch, at family dinners, on the street, in squares, in gyms, in
restaurants, in malls, in the harbor, at the arcade etc
For a singular consciousness to be permitted some time
alone, is a rarity and once a person feels this they begin to alleviate it as
much as possible, never allowing themselves to come to term with their
spiritual nature, their passions, their essence, their future, or their path.
It is safe to say that most people are comfortable with
their path being lead for them, never working with the greater energies to
allow their own consciousness to act as a mechanism to guide their way through
this dimension or reality.
I can tell you this, I will spend every waking moment I can
to assure I know where I am going next, to have an idea of how to lock onto my
path and to guide myself to my greatest outcome.
I am right damned scared of letting one minute or one hour
waste by not being able to guide my own future or possibility. I am fearful
that I haven’t discovered the true answers to all my own inherent questions and
this is after a decade of meditations quite a few hours a day.
Truth is, I am most comfortable alone, and in the dark with
a candle, I can achieve quite a bit. But I am me, I am not you or your neighbor,
or a celebrity. I am just an introvert rave reverend lol
Being surrounded by nature, trees, swamp, rivers, rocks,
moss, deer, dogs, grass, rain, snow, mist, fog, sunlight, quiet, peace. It
leads me to believe that I am right where I need to be, and however slow the process
has been, and however patient I have been in my own path, slow and steady wins
the race I figure.
While some 18 year old just got approved for a 10k
mastercard, I sit creditless, but starting my savings. Because for once in my
life saving a few bucks is important to me, and I want too.
Not going to hoard every dollar I have which is why I am
going to give out at least $4-$8 of my money a month in one dollar increments
to charities that can use it. If my dollar isn’t important to them then so be
it, maybe they will find more worth in somebody that has a thousand to give.
While people are pushing and shoving to get the latest
iphone3 (3- I think lol, when will we ever stop caring? - @ iphone 7? How about
iphone14? iphone35? Lulz) I have just ended the need to go mobile, and this may
seem a bit odd to a telecommunications sales agent, considering they probably
haven’t heard somebody say this in months- I don’t need a cell phone, thanks, a
landline is enough.
While somebody making $7200 a month would laugh at my $1k
budget, simply stating that I am unworthy of their attention, how could
somebody live on that little, they must not be trustworthy or fortunate. I only
say this, what does a Buddhist monk rake in monthly-weekly-yearly and are you
seen as having more worth because you spend $295 on a plate of dinner and wine?
God itself is in the mind, in your own mindset, in your
creativity, ur patience, ur giving nature, your love, your compassion, your generosity,
and your faith. Most likely working 12,000 x million dimensions over, so it
would be tough to assume a physical form of a grandpa with a beard on a cloud.
I have always thought of it as the energy of a quintillion
minds or a faculty of divine beings leading the futures of all of us. Exactly what
god is to you, is what you are here to discover- most of us cannot, unless we
meet somebody with a lil faith. - Faith in the unknown, if you don't discover where your attributes, and your endless qualities are resonant from, who is in charge, and what is guiding all of us to complete enlightenment, you are doing yourself a great dis-service to your path.
-
Shaun A. Delage
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