Virtual Ministry Archive

Showing posts with label schizophrenic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label schizophrenic. Show all posts

Taking in Life -

Self of nature,
Self of rhythm,
Self of future,
Self of epitome,
Self of stature,
Being of multiplicity.
One of the greatest romantic, confessional poets of the new millennium.
Community of one.
Community of seven.
Beings of twelve,
Trials of eleven,
Hatred of five,
and the tests of twenty.
Seclusion of seventeen.
Infusion of zero.
Amusement of fifty, Craziness of nine.
Occasional enlightenment of one.
Beings that inhabit your soul, will call out.
Beings that see you as a super imposed reality, will mock.
But who knows what deals they have made?
Those beings that would lock away the masses and throw away the key.
They wear a red sash and call people names without thinking.
They speak out of ignorance.
But mainly out of jurisdictional law.
One would assume that the beings are only in the many.
But the beings inhabit quite so few.
That if we could see them in a room.
Without the guards and the locks, and without the uniform to impose.
But never mind the fact that spilled blood was soaked on their sash and robes.
That hearts were rubbed on the very clothes they wear.
While they sentence you to a few years to be raped and abused.
The most vulnerable in society. It is sickening to think of, but to me...
They would not matter very much.

-


JeffyTrix -

Entering the matrix without understanding the matrix,
People placed around you in a more knowing impression.
Nothing to be feared, just something to be cautious of.
I see myself in him at age twenty yet haven’t aged a day.
Now age wise I am an old dinosaur to him,
funny people see us together and imagine us to be in high school.
Preppy meets ray ban.
I want to show him, my ways, my theories, my being.
yet a lot holds me back.
I know he only wants to be enlightened, to not feel lonely when surrounded by people.
More-so to be set free from an internal prison,
people with chaotic looks around you making you feel horrible.
Looking in his eyes I see enlightenment.
I don’t want to freak him out, but I understand why were both here.
Why we both met however odd it was to me... it was beautiful, to him... it was digital.
hoping to find the best of them all,
in some ways I am perfect for him,
in others I could never be.
In some ways I could do whatever I could to make him happy.
But something he needs to understand.
Which many don’t ‘innerstand’ is the need to temper materialistic desires.
Many people cover their own internal pain with beautiful shining things.
It is best to live simply I am sure he understands.
The thoughts surround me of who he will be in five years.
The thoughts enter my soul of what I can make him into.
The thoughts enter my being of what he can teach me.
What he will make me into most of all.
I imagine myself combing his hair, cutting his fingernails, making him dinner, pouring his glass of water, brushing
his teeth for him.
I imagine washing his arms in the bathtub holding him in my arms.
The gazebo by the ocean with fifteen foot, fabric like, flags blowing in the wind.
Slipping the ring on his finger, him slipping one on mine.
Understanding that there is a bond between us.
Being with somebody that is unloving doesn’t work for us, this being I see before me.
An old soul, we have hooked up before.
Both in youth’s bodies.
In some ways he has it better together than I do.
In other ways I am pretty OK too.
I think of us, then I get a pang of worry like what could I offer him.
I only know this, with love anything is possible
I could achieve anything.
I could do anything.
I could be anybody.
I could be with him; of course he has to want it.
I want it.
We both have to be confident.
In some ways I have evolved massively since age twenty in other ways... I am still twenty years old!
I just know....if he was to be with me.
He would never have to cook a day in his life.
I would make it my goal to make sure he doesn’t have to work another day as well.
Love takes time.
Trust takes time.
Bond takes time.
Union takes time.
Enlightenment takes time, but it is everlasting.
Saves the very nature of our being from imploding and self destructing.
I look in his eyes and see much.
I am sure he is aware of me on some level, much will be made apparent.
The choice lies with his soul.
I read through his blogs and imagine.
Some twisted man threesome covered in cake and chocolate.
My mind is pervy.
I am happy not wasting my time on people that don’t matter.
I’m happy making sure I am the most calm person in the world.
So he looks forward to seeing me again and again.
Because that is all he wants is another boy that understands his struggles

-

metric life -

I can’t say much that will change his life forever,
but I can be there to offer the most beautiful soul on the planet.
The only true nature of love.
I only trust my guidance from above.
Wanting us both to be mostly free of.
I walk over to him and hand him a kid glove.
He looks at me wondering if it fits and says kind of.
I asked him if I am something to be proud of,
that the world sees me something to be rid of.
Or that my voice is something the matrix is sick of.
I want to slip on his hand a pervy suede glove.
Wondering what is in his mind and what he'll think of.
Naturally figuring out what he will conceive of.
Touching his fingers through the hand and glove.
Never wanting to see the end of.
His beauty enters my soul like true love.
The very being is just the epitome of cute love.
The workings of the boy that will just be the most awesome being to enter my sphere.
I have so much to learn from him. Will he let me?
With each other anything is possible.
Two books finished submitted to publishers with a sense of self, theories collide.
Youthful energetic vibe.
I want to be his bride.
Only to wonder past years why I cried.
Just wanting love to glide.
My nature to guide.
We can just hug and hug and simply hide.
Figuring out naturally born pride.
Weird glances from people knowing they spied.
Watching us walk hand in hand with a confident stride.
Our hands interlaced and completely tied, seeing his face.
I look at the bright side.
Mostly for twenty six years this has been denied,
Soaring through the sky almost paraglide.
Looking somewhat at myself inside.
Watching him hug me by low tide.
Not wanting to lead him away or misguide.
Stroking his long bangs from the north side.
By a tree, outside.
Looking for him wanting to provide.
Smiling I can simply look around needing to take pride.
We can go worldwide, stateside, love tribe.
Just wanting to walk alongside.
Hold his hand, bring him outside.
Showing him that a human can exist without Jekyll and Hyde.
Soaring past the earthen plane great divide.
Just not wanting to be apart and lay to the side.
Scaling cliffs in a love filled with mountain pride.
Wandering the country nationwide.
Careful wanting to stand beside him either side.
Side by side, by the rising tide

-


try to spie -


The being that involves me enlightens me.
Stopping in one self to see outer self, requires skill.
Being adept to the true nature of the cause of this madness.
Makes one insane.
But more-so those that have the power to hand out titles.
Are even more insane.
To be in oneself while attempting to halt the infractions on our citizens which goes against the treatment of
prisoners and animals takes a skill.
Because in here you are never human.
You’re only you.
Which you don’t even know what that is.
So how could you accept being given a role, which you don’t even understand.
It is my own faith and becoming that your soul be set free amongst millions.
Because your only soul.
It is the eventual enlightenment of the entire galaxy, and you will be loved for your sacrifice.
To the better good the higher path.
No matter how tough the path is.
Or how many stones cut your hand when you fall.
The haunting souls who reside here yet never die.
The ones I’m in love with need my touch.
Far too precious to lose their lives.
I do the work of insanity to save them.
I can’t believe how many men I will meet on the other side.
Oh my god one boyfriend is not enough, I will have millions.
Going to be hard to keep up but I will manage.
Safety of the feline embrace.
The most divine of all creatures.

-

Physical chinese -

The theory of the system is what you make of it.
If you let the system capture the essence of your capitalist craving then you are nothing,
Nothing but spit!
The selfless desire to be something is really nothing if you don’t have any money.
What the heck does the system relay when you’re not given the fruits of slavery.
You are simply a slime covered insect in the grand scheme of things.

-


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Squirrel Pamper





I took a bit of time to read through this ministry and look back on several years ago and I have to say that my writing style and my eloquence has developed.
It is tough in this world to find your place when your whole brain chemistry is totally fried from multitudes of rave drugs. I feel in some ways that the rave scene really wronged me in a sense, but mirroring the real world being a part of rave culture brings its own plethora of decisions and choices.
I think the world is filled with thousands of people that were irreparably harmed by the rave scene of the 1990’s and the elixirs the chemists cooked up for us. But the other end of the spectrum is that it allowed people that were marginalized and pretty effin weird to come together in a community and dance the night away.
I find quite some comfort in techno still to this day and the parties have not stopped since I started raving but being separated from the rave scene since 2002 you tend to wonder what they are like.
Most people grow out of them, most people get a corporate job and move on, worrying about their kids or mortgage and have no time to party anymore.
I would go to bigger parties in Vancouver and like people were having a seizure every hour at those raves, Vietnamese gang shootings high on coke etc
But the Victoria rave scene was more intimate and everyone knew each other. It was a huge challenge in my life to go from living within a rave community to being outcast on my own will and going from hundreds of friends to living a life of isolation.
Honestly I truly have no regrets however I would have lived my life differently had I had the choice too
I would have respected people more, but that is a choice that is not given to you when you have serious chemical combinations in your mind. It turned into a very dangerous scene in the last year, with drug dealing, people that looked like skeletons, meth and coke parties at dealers houses, and me almost going off on a round the world yacht trip with an insane coke head transvestite lol
It’s like almost to quantify it all seems a pretty big task, I think my friends currently just say “you have had a lot happen to you” lol
I wish so much for my life to have been different, different choices etc
In some way I would have liked a more normal existence not such an indigo upbringing, but my own personal story is one of adversity and compassion, only simply that I could live through such trauma and not inflict it on others is a godsend.
In a way this virtual ministry completes my needs for ego gratification, but it also helps shape who I am artistically and professionally. When I go to the bank and explain that I am a reverend, I can do it with pride because I have worked very hard and very diligently to explain all sorts of spectrums from this reality.
In a way the party has continued every night for me, with endless techno streams out there and the beat keeps going on, and techno does heal and forgive.
This blog or virtual ministry still provides a rave in a site for those that want random trippiness.
I don’t want peoples pity or scorn, I just want my writing to be able to help others on their path.

Compassion
Solitude
Tekno
Forgiveness
PeaCe
Love
Unity

Respect





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Seth Farber, PhD: The Spiritual Gift of Madness





An interesting hypothesis of schizophrenia and the new world order, saying that schizophrenics actually are visionaries of the future and can see and hear other dimensions but also give societies messianic revelations rather than the western view of being insane, he brings up the simple theory, Why are not governments that bomb people and maim and kill brutally in the name of freedom or capitalism labeled with any sort of insanity while individuals are being targeted to bring about a new world order scenario where people with mental illness are stigmatized and tucked away within a psychiatric pharmaceutical military industrial complex 



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