It is an extremely terrifying time to be alive, I am
thankful that I have just over a quarter decade behind me and how terrifying it
must be to be a twink or twinkette just maturing in a complete police state and
global financial meltdown
Luckily I have my intelligence and life experience
somethings that many people don’t have or take for granted, we’re taught in
western society how much you own is the makeup of your character and this is
unfortunate because it provides people with a false sense of belonging
I have to say for a blog of this magnitude I am very
fortunate to have some devotees and that is what you are but you are also
enlightened in your own regard, and my enlightenment at times can be purely
text based, I have mastered typing and storytelling and giving discourses but
sometimes struggle with normal forms of communication
My art site so far has no sales, which leads me to believe
first of all that my art is very bad or ahead of its time lol but for the most
part I understand it is a chaotic time to be selling anything which is why I am
going head on with marketing in various formats.
I have designed my own postcards in which I send to
galleries and I am sure they are feeling the struggle too financially but there
is always time for more art in the world, not a time to cower with my art
between my legs however hehe
So I have taken out advertising in XTRA west which you can
see the classified below this posting and my next course of action will be to
formerly issue thousands of press releases and also continue with the
classifieds (I am in xtra west and also the Calgary and Edmonton gay newspaper)
We are bombarded by advertising but I just struggle with the
thoughts of how Warhol or Emily Carr did it…so my next courses of actions include
the postcards, classifieds, press releases and some facebook advertising
Imagine this, I also have goals to attain my Ph.D in this
time as well !!!
Kinda a crazy time to be doing these things but I have the
time, thankfully and a small stipend by the government that affords me the
ability to live in peace with zero stress.
I have almost put my manifesto behind me, I don’t think of
it much but it is one of those things that once people read it – it changes
their impressions, of me, and the world around them and shines light on the
fact that anybody any old joe or susan could be being traumatized or abused
this very moment by an unkind and sadistic system that is encapsulated around
them
It is really tough to look at the world from the eyes of a
medicated schizophrenic agoraphobic and enigmatic mind. Thankfully once my time
is up here I will be hailed as a genius
Genius is often misunderstood in the moment, mocked,
ridiculed, killed off almost too quick
Now I have a sanctuary in the forest and have somebody close
to me, a loving partner that I can live with on my terms and this is what I
have been looking for since my last breakup 4 years ago
I endlessly posted ads, mostly just to be mocked in the
process but I found many people were willing to lead you on and make you
believe they were the right person, after some coy sleuthing in text and
emails, I usually found the person to be completely unsuitable for me after
only a few emails
It is tough to date when you have a social anxiety or the
stigma of a mental illness, which is why I strived to find somebody that would
appreciate me for who I am and most people have this insane twitch to abuse
others constantly and this is what I so casually picked up on
I have walked away from asexuality, because I believe I have
some skill to offer my partner in the sexual department but it isn’t easy – I
have been pretty asexual or celibate for about 12 years then a teenage hood of
sexwork before that – that was not very pleasing nor satisfying just the dozens
of gross old koots willing to throw hundreds of dollars on your naked body in
hotel rooms astounded me, the world was ripe for the picking when I had a few
minor violent encounters with some hair pulling and slapping while I was
supposed to be having fun, then a Masonic inspired rape by subliminals and
pawns people were ready to call me insane, maybe I was insane but my illness-
to see things out of reality was the only illness I would most likely embrace. imagine coming from making $400 an hour to just under that to spend PER MONTH !!!! but I am not complaining - I am at peace with myself and the learning process and there is some deadly infections out der >:/
My diagnosis helped me tremendously, and before the financial
collapse I was placed on a disability pension so my stipend is there for me to
pursue my goals and dreams in small doses.
I didn’t do so well as far as being employable and found
illusions in everything and everybody
I found people in employment scenarios to be cold,
calculating and utter Nazis
Now I get to be a crazy artist and I love it, I have many
many years before my novels will hit the mainstream and it will be time, almost
when ravers seem like a flicker of the past I will revive the culture with a
beautiful and amazing novel that will make anybody want to listen to a techno
stream, put on some candy and buy a bottle of banana puree baby food and
matching soother from the drug store and just effin dance
I am thankful that my own satanic oriented karma and actions
didn’t manifest in the form of murder or violence, because that is so far from
my soul it is not even funny.
Me, it manifested as an ex sex worker going nude at
embassies, nunneries and universities
Kind of funny to laugh about it all now but it was
terrifying at the time because I thought that if I didn’t go nude they would
eat my leg
Or if I stripped at the Buddhist temple they would put robes
on me and declare me a monk.
I have put my fascination with monasticism to rest because I
have found their doors to be closed to me here completely –for such an open and
accepting religion the Buddhist faith seems to be riddled with secrets and a
secret society – nobody knows what the hell you have to do to ordain but they
are not willing to ordain any new members it seems
In a sense it would have been hell to ordain, no sex, no
food-after noon, no media, no books, no talking, no techno, no warmth, no hair,
no anything. Kind of weird to want to attain this but it seemed appropriate
considering the Buddha wanted to offer these places for people dissatisfied
with the material world
Now my manifestations have brought me and cute man and a
forest loft in the country, a cat that loves me –adores me actually and I have
a circle of about 50 friends mostly online that also care about me
Sure beats the illusions I have been seeing in other,
younger, more naïve souls.
I am pondering some higher education as well, I think this
would be a good step for me, I would take out a student loan and study and then
because of my disability it would be forgiven
So why not? :P
It has been a blessing to move away from a monarch sciences
type scenario living with somebody constantly nattering your face off even
though you seem unamused, I think I have a mean mother at times, she can be
pretty cruel to me, for the most part were best buds but I found living with a
middle aged woman to be a challenge not only as a gay man but somebody with
various hinderances
I found her the opposite of anything I desire to be, cold,
uncompassionate, materialistic, vain, neurotic, angry at times, trapped in
illusion etc I just sat there endless late nights avoiding her and doing my own
art projects and doing my novels, so my novels are a reflection of my isolation
in wanting to create my own virtual world and play in it, and that I did. They
were also a place for me to funnel my anger and sadness into.
Novel writing is a cold dark barren world, not one in which
I advocate anybody to belong too but I started my projects so I am going to
carry them through to the end.
Meanwhile, we have a very chaotic and crazy world we belong
too and it has only intensified with the times changing into the full on 2012
police state. We have a varying distinction of those who have all the power and
wealth and for the most of us those that have very little power or wealth
What it all comes down to, is who is left standing in the
end. People that have millions behind their last name but only do things that
they have subscribed to attain in life and not look into mystery paradox or
their own god given creativity will go nowhere but forwarding the illusion
state for the sheeple
There is very few people willing to put their life in the
open like I have, to be studied, to be ridiculed, to be mocked, to be gabbed
about but I wonder who is going to be left standing with all the power in the
end
Much of the people on my manifesto are pretty wealthy and
they get wealthier each day that goes by
The funny thing is that anybody on that document is free to
sue me but to date no charges have been filed against me and no civil suit
either in such a litigious society you would think that I would have threats or
being served by now, but the funny thing is, there isn’t a damn thing anybody
on my manifesto can do about it because it is based in the truth.
My only goals: the truth, power, beauty, intelligence, love,
happiness, to be healthy, to be safe, enlightenment, wealth, money, authority.
-
Shaun A. Delage
