AppLe LollYpoP

My path is vastly different from every other persons on earth, but my ability to relay some of my lessons better help and aid others I feel. Lately I have had the fortune of reuniting with some of my rave family from 18 years ago, and I think to myself, god that was eighteen years ago, and I think of the illusions of time and I have been flooded with memories of that time recently.

I was in a time of ignorance at that point, I was only selfishly driven through teenage ignorance and pretty damn vain, and the greatest lesson we all learn is that we all lose some of our youth as time goes on. So we can’t always rely on what we see in the mirror.

The greatest Buddhist lessons include that everything is in the mind. This would seem silly to a teenager whom is trying solely to alter their reality.

Well that time ago was chaos, and quite a bit of mystery in life, while some circumstances were solely related to the mysteries of life. I can say now that my future is a bit more predictable now that I am working with the mind to train it and to guide it in the direction I feel is best for me and my family.

When you are that young you don’t worry about things like retirement, vet bills or even your credit rating. You go about life burning bridges and laughing it off, and only begin to reflect on the harm you caused decades later.

One of the greatest manifestations I live by these days in reflection of my teenagehood and young adult hood is the process of asking for forgiveness. I don’t ask people to forgive me, unless it is needed but I ask the universe for forgiveness and I also ask the universe that I may begin to forgive myself. I think this is a very strong process and I feel there were quite a few dozen times where I needed to BEG for forgiveness, and only one of those times will need a lifetime of asking for forgiveness for the harm I have done.

I strongly believe I wasn’t bad per se but I needed to go through the process of crime or addiction to better understand the process of forgiving myself, and ultimately letting the universe dictate whom I will receive ultimate forgiveness from. I don’t want to go heavily into my stories and such but some of it was just pure insanity like stuffing 10k in my pocket that didn’t belong to me x5 or selling drugs at raves or hurting a friend and even kissing a girl while I was so fucking high I didn’t have a clue what I was doing lol but when you work with the mind you begin to understand that life is not paying for your mistakes but what you can learn from them.

My path of crime leaves me battered and torn and ashamed because I was so good at it, and I wanted desperately what I was void of, that being wealth and prestige. So the harm I inflicted on others was shared in the same sense because the universe was very very cunning to allow me an equal dose directed my way probably times a thousand (x1000) so I was not equipped to face some of the challenges that came my way at times because of how naïve I was.

I swear some of these old pensioners living on $800 a month must chuckle as a hybrid 19 year old walks by with a 20k credit limit on their visa cards sitting in their back pocket, with a designer $400 dye job and Vuitton sidebag.

Thankfully Buddhism found me when I was most suffering, and it allowed me to calm my racing thoughts, take care and control of my destiny and allow me an ultimately free and ever reaching tool to enlightenment being meditation, because I have probably spent countless lifetimes dealing with all this nonsense and no tools to stop it. What used to amuse me when I was 19 was a $400 buffet breakfast with 4 hot guys (two being twins) lol and now the funny things amuse me the most like finding out an old friend is doing well and is in a fortunate existence away from harm, or taking care of a cat and feeding it medicine, or giving squirrels some seeds and cranberries.

To say that I have come 360 degrees is an understatement because it involves a fractalized sacred geometrical 4-D shift in thought and grace. A life void of illusion is a beautiful life indeed.

18 years seems like a long time, but when you think of it, the memories and events are virtually timeless and I only want to shape the next 18 years into something woven into a gay fairytale

-Shaun A. Delage

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PoEtiC LiCK

Stay tight -

One slave amongst thousands of kings, queen’s princes, and princesses.
One slave with no money up against those that have a hundred million.
One slave that resists cannibalism, sex torture, sex sacrifice, sex games, abuse, trauma, hell.
One slave up against the Canadian house of Saud.
One slave up against one billion members of the western regional elite.
One slave to beat the massed cavalry.
One slave with no ivy league.
One slave with more class than all those pigs in one room.
One slave amongst the super elite that drink blood and smoke cocaine to further the magic.
One slave enlightens people like me to the ritual trauma at play.
One slave marks the beginning of the apocalypse,
but it has been in effect for two decades possibly longer.
One slave beats illusion.
One slave has angels amongst enemies.
One slave becomes the most powerful being in Canada.
One slave shielded by the protection and guidance of mother earth who knows their sins as well.
When you remind me of my sins what about the greater sins of the status quo.
That is the true causality to the situation.

-

Pure bliss -

Finality to theories.
Encouraged to hunt.
Yet crazed to ignore.
Beings left to amuse and converse and behind lock and key.
Theory of independence above all else.
The inclusion of freedom for every soul.
Gay society has flaws.
Canadian society has flaws.
Governance has flaws.
But the magic is... That flaws can always be reversed and fixed.
The sickness instituted on the masses is an oddity for we are the last deserving of it.
I am the supreme regional royalty of the west coast.
The poet that while neurally can set you free.
I can also liberate continents.
Worlds.
Species, and galaxies.
Because that is my ultimate power of love and freedom,
for too much blood has been spilled in their fight.
Hands literally coated with plasma and tears.
Lets discuss freedom and love...
It’s the only things we have left.

-

zenophile -

I look in my intensity of a mind’s eye for your very presence
but the only thing I found was evasive feelings of not belonging.
My myth or reality it seems
does not include a life with so much pain and neglect
but here it is.
The world as we know it is simply too hard to take without him, without his energy.
I don’t even know how I did it all.
How did he come into my life was the most ultimate and pressing matter.
Living in a world of abject poverty.
Satanism and divinity intermingled like two atoms meeting and nesting
then splitting apart in a violent burst.
The world without him was almost unbearable.
The one I know sits near me, and holds my hand ever so slightly and ever so intelligently.
I wake with his eyes to meet mine, everyday.
In such a cruel world to live.
A world where love and sex are marketed to the masses but the world takes no part in.
Cruel, senseless, trivial.
The beings that pervade all thought are the ones with senseless desire to make it.
The ones that make their impression clear on the masses
are the ones that take effect in the greater good.
More people wanting, needing, reflecting.
Theories of self, Theories of being.
Theories.
Simple as that.
Confusion for a greater whole.
Confusion for the masses, but individually I am not confused.
Individually I am in love, and this union escapes people for the most part.
Oh how much can change in twenty four hours.
Oh how much people can change.
Oh how much I can change.
I work to attain a spirituality that is evasive,
but not present because the spirituality is too busy to take notice of me.
The weaker one.
The one that cries.
The one that tries, the one that dies.
Simply say it’s so much as the one that needs.
The one that needs him, endlessly.

-

nowhere -

Where does causality take you.
For most it takes you nowhere.
But a world of neglect and the realisation.
That there is no path.
Essentially it is those with an actual path,
that many are deathly envious of.
The fact that your consciousness is no longer decided by you alone,
but a full on faculty of the smartest minds in the universe.
Fascinating life.
Where one is many.
But two is a no show.
Where would three ever fit in.
But one with you and one without.
Fascinating it would be to live a different life.
But would you want to?
Most would say yes, paradoxically.
Tempting fate.
Yet looking my enemies square in the face.
Wanting to ascend but having to talk to people that killed saints.
You see these types all over and they will gladly sell their souls,
to remain fattened for one more week.
Rather than go with the uncomfortable notion of hunger.
Nobody will bring you enlightenment.
You have to find it for yourself.
In this very moment I hope I enlighten you, for what else is there ?

-

TY -

A certain level of advocating,
Then I think I would be rather aggravating
and alienating.
Trying to be more animating in speech and song and every thing annihilating.
Certain level feel to anticipating
why don’t I try approximating.
Where one could cast off arbitrating in armor plating.
just endless assassinating on behalf of certain level assimilation.
We don’t know where one persists but one where lower level associating
on one level initiating.
There is only one brutality and that is a methodical world.
Thank you Very much

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CLaM SoUL

Well the opposite of what I thought would happen with the letter to my mother, in it I corrected many misconceptions of my youth and was able to finally and fully tell my story, which I think is an empowering process. She has left all communication with me, but what did I have to begin with in a sense, she doesn’t make any sort of effort to keep up a relationship with me.

She pretty much just left me on facebook and banned my name and I guess she is too ashamed to accept my version of the truth.

One thing I came to terms with in writing a letter to bring peace and hopefully evolve our relationship is the fact that she did too abuse me as a youngster, she chose the man that would inflict untold amounts of physical and psychological trauma on me. She says she was never there or that she never saw anything so it seems like a cop out and an easy one at best.

Part of the letter included the fact that I forgave her, and she chose to end all ties with me which is her choice.

I can now feel what it feels like for the many people that have had parents fail them. There are countless people in society that their parents have cause irreparable harm to them and this is why many people are addicted and in pain, or in jail. People aren’t as eloquent in describing their pain in a five page letter, but I am a very good writer hehe

I keep my mind on the path, it is heartbreaking to not include somebody that should be so close on it and I am convinced that sometimes the greatest people you can trust are strangers rather than your own family.

I think my cats passing has taught me a tremendous amount about life and the path I want to lead. At such a sad time I was willing to express myself to my mother and she just basically cowered rather than deal with it like an adult.

I keep my mind on positivity however, I have a very beautiful life out here in the forest in my cabin/kuti and I have become a lacto-ovo vegetarian again and I am picking up my writing where I last left off in the third book, I think it will be an epic story to bring to the world, part of me wants to finish this story and it’s sequels harmoniously so that I can start working on other projects, the next book, my fourth- I want to do a sci-fi type book :::)

I strongly believe that techno has the power to heal along with time, and that you can overcome any obstacle with a varying spectrum of techno-meditation-time scenario

The best station I listen to is techno station on DI.FM it is awesome haha

Part of me in writing the letter was to bring closure to an otherwise chaotic childhood, and to be able to finally tell my side of the story-in which nobody has asked for, and my mother chose to close the door to our life and that is not my fault, that is something she needs to come to terms with and if she never does than most likely she will hold onto that pain and her side of events for countless decades. The process however painful and anxiety inducing has allowed me to get my side of the story told and to put closure to the events that surrounded my life and in seeing her cower away most likely because she is ashamed –now I know my route or path in life does not include those that are supposedly so close to me.

I see people close with their family and my heart aches in a sense because I never had that tenderness or affection. But it has not stopped me from being trusting and loving to other people, exactly quite the opposite most likely has happened instead of creating an indebted, cruel, angry person the matrix essentially has created a bright shining indigo Buddha scavenged out of the tears and pain from an abusive past.

The whole world is suffering in one way or another, many people don’t have any idea why they are here, how they could choose this place or what is going to transpire. Essentially you can wait for the answers to come to you or you can make your own reality.

-Shaun A. Delage

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