My path is vastly different from every other persons on
earth, but my ability to relay some of my lessons better help and aid others I feel.
Lately I have had the fortune of reuniting with some of my rave family from 18
years ago, and I think to myself, god that was eighteen years ago, and I think
of the illusions of time and I have been flooded with memories of that time
recently.
I was in a time of ignorance at that point, I was only
selfishly driven through teenage ignorance and pretty damn vain, and the
greatest lesson we all learn is that we all lose some of our youth as time goes
on. So we can’t always rely on what we see in the mirror.
The greatest Buddhist lessons include that everything is in
the mind. This would seem silly to a teenager whom is trying solely to alter
their reality.
Well that time ago was chaos, and quite a bit of mystery in
life, while some circumstances were solely related to the mysteries of life. I
can say now that my future is a bit more predictable now that I am working with
the mind to train it and to guide it in the direction I feel is best for me and
my family.
When you are that young you don’t worry about things like
retirement, vet bills or even your credit rating. You go about life burning
bridges and laughing it off, and only begin to reflect on the harm you caused
decades later.
One of the greatest manifestations I live by these days in
reflection of my teenagehood and young adult hood is the process of asking for
forgiveness. I don’t ask people to forgive me, unless it is needed but I ask
the universe for forgiveness and I also ask the universe that I may begin to
forgive myself. I think this is a very strong process and I feel there were
quite a few dozen times where I needed to BEG for forgiveness, and only one of
those times will need a lifetime of asking for forgiveness for the harm I have
done.
I strongly believe I wasn’t bad per se but I needed to go
through the process of crime or addiction to better understand the process of
forgiving myself, and ultimately letting the universe dictate whom I will
receive ultimate forgiveness from. I don’t want to go heavily into my stories
and such but some of it was just pure insanity like stuffing 10k in my pocket
that didn’t belong to me x5 or selling drugs at raves or hurting a friend and
even kissing a girl while I was so fucking high I didn’t have a clue what I was
doing lol but when you work with the mind you begin to understand that life is
not paying for your mistakes but what you can learn from them.
My path of crime leaves me battered and torn and ashamed
because I was so good at it, and I wanted desperately what I was void of, that
being wealth and prestige. So the harm I inflicted on others was shared in the
same sense because the universe was very very cunning to allow me an equal dose
directed my way probably times a thousand (x1000) so I was not equipped to face
some of the challenges that came my way at times because of how naïve I was.
I swear some of these old pensioners living on $800 a month
must chuckle as a hybrid 19 year old walks by with a 20k credit limit on their
visa cards sitting in their back pocket, with a designer $400 dye job and Vuitton
sidebag.
Thankfully Buddhism found me when I was most suffering, and
it allowed me to calm my racing thoughts, take care and control of my destiny
and allow me an ultimately free and ever reaching tool to enlightenment being
meditation, because I have probably spent countless lifetimes dealing with all
this nonsense and no tools to stop it. What used to amuse me when I was 19 was
a $400 buffet breakfast with 4 hot guys (two being twins) lol and now the funny
things amuse me the most like finding out an old friend is doing well and is in
a fortunate existence away from harm, or taking care of a cat and feeding it
medicine, or giving squirrels some seeds and cranberries.
To say that I have come 360 degrees is an understatement
because it involves a fractalized sacred geometrical 4-D shift in thought and
grace. A life void of illusion is a beautiful life indeed.
18 years seems like a long time, but when you think of it,
the memories and events are virtually timeless and I only want to shape the
next 18 years into something woven into a gay fairytale
-Shaun A. Delage
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