BLAST FROM THE PAST: The British implementation of the under 16s social media ban has seen a quick return to bored British teenage culture: Chavs. Within days of teenagers losing access to social media, town centres across Britain reported the spontaneous appearance of groups of boys in matching tracksuits and Burberry hats standing outside vape shops with nowhere in particular to be. "It's remarkable," said one sociologist. "We removed social media and they immediately reverted to their natural state as if it's still 2004." Witnesses report the teenagers can now be observed sitting on low brick walls for up to six consecutive hours while discussing a fight that may or may not happen next Thursday. Others have been seen riding BMX bikes in circles around shopping centres, consuming energy drinks and asking passing pedestrians what exactly they're looking at. Parents say the transition has been seamless. "My son spent years staring at his phone," explained Birmingham mother Claire Evans (55). "Now he just bothers people for cigarettes with five mates wearing identical Nike tracksuits. It's nice to see him socialising again." Retail workers have welcomed the familiarity. "I haven't heard someone loudly shout 'Oi!' for absolutely no reason since 2011," said one security guard. "It really takes you back