I think back to the pain of my rave days continuosly, from
going from drug den to drug den to selling caps of E for $45 to teen girls. Mind
you it was good E lol my stint as a drug dealer didn’t last very long however.
I am thankful that my drug binges only lasted on weekends. Resulting from my
rave days was some pretty dark and some pretty profound experiences, enough to warrant
a virtual ministry lol
I think back to the horrors of my rave times, from doing so
much drugs in one night I thought I would die, to passing out completely a few
times, being kicked out of raves, seeing the brutality of the scene envelope
people turn them ghost like and stick thin only thinking about their next drug
Being so high on crystal meth I was roaming around town with
dealers and 14 year old girls and just being so high I forgot who I was, got
pretty depressed about my future and didn’t really know where I fell in the
whole scheme of things.
Thankfully I am glad I survived the rave scene, much like I
am grateful I survived my criminality side and my sex work side and lived to
tell about it, fortunately I never caught a sexual disease, fortunately I never
got murdered, fortunately all I live with these days is insomnia, nausea, and
manageable schizophrenia.
I feel as if I was dealt perhaps a tougher card in life, and
many of us are, there are not many people that are brought up ivy league that
get afforded a good college education university prep school and get to be a
director of a society this is only by fluke that these people get these
benefits and they fail to see the illusion in it all.
It is almost like by fluke I was born here in the richest
most powerful country on earth, one that affords its citizens human rights,
welfare and disability and takes care of its people rather than make them burn
circuit boards for a living with no teeth or whatever. It is funny because
there are people that are so confined in their reality they have no idea what
it is like to be outside of it.
Imagine a Saudi prince surrounded by oil wealth and yachts
gold, diamonds and wealth, bodyguards, palaces and nobody on the other end of
the globe would know what it would be like, which is why this world is a pseudo
alter reality of sorts, a dimensional travel mechanism
One of my greatest obsessions this decade was wanting to be
a Buddhist monk, by the virtues of the Buddha, ironically for a religion that
teaches that this is a sort of refuge from the working life I found it to be a
very closed and restrictive society to belong too, a pseudo cult of sorts that
only chosen people are welcome to live and not one that requests it like the Buddha
taught
I must have been a Buddhist monk or nun in my last life lol
because the obsession has taken me almost across the province several times in
relapses but imagine what they would say when a medicated schizophrenic asks to
become a monk.
There are people that believe the end of the world is coming
shortly, almost 75% of the internet community, it may be the end of the world
as we know it, or it could be a time of great awakening, it is troubling to
think of because it is in the dead of winter and for everything to all of a
sudden shut down would be catastrophic.
I don’t think anything like this would be planned but the
whole nature of the conspiracy has me wondering. This xmas we could all be sent
back to the stone age, but to tell you the truth so many of us are indebted
they would like to collect for the rest of time on our debts.
Just given the last events of the past year, the hurricane
and two massive earthquakes near my home I wouldn’t be surprised if something
did happen it is just funny because many people will either be let down or they
will have their mortgages to keep paying.
You can stock a whole basement of food and live off of it
for what say 6 months, then what are you going to do?
I think if something was to truly happen we would all feel a
sense of impending doom and we are possibly going to lose hundreds of thousands
of people to suicides in the next few months because they fear the end of the
world is coming.
I almost feel cheated to belong in the present at times,
because I have no recollection of where I have come from or where I am going, I
just know I am not really interested in doing what everyone else is doing.
It would be a shock to wake up in the new world order microchipping,
forced vaccinations, police state, beatings, public executions, tyranny,
sickness, abuse, hatred for individualism, etc but we have been slowly going
down this route for almost a decade.
I always thought of what I would do if the NWO hit, I would
probably have a more structured life, doing what the state has told me to do. Not
a free for all like I have been living detached from it all lately.
I am afforded a small stipend, a government pension and I am
only 30 so I get to live a comfortable and financially restricted life but I am
happy in a sense, the working life never appealed to me, raves never really
sunk in with me, school never really fit well, its almost like I was never
meant to be here, like I got here by fluke per se or perhaps I was corralled
interdimensionally and imprisoned here much like many of those around me. My
true essence resides 14 star systems over where I have a more elite existence.
I have always opposed the structure around me, and who doesn’t
want full liberation?
Mostly those that are liberated this very moment, liberated
from poverty, sickness, disease, pain, suffering, abuse, ignorance, illusion
and hatred.
I think that would be a rewarding existence
It’s almost like this is one huge super prison structure
with material benefits
When one should be financed to their fullest potential
leading humanity to its greatest discoveries rather than locked up, and told to
live in a box and be indebted to education and a hungry stomach and to slave
away continuously
We should all be on starships travelling the galaxy by now
which makes me think that our whole mega reality is somewhat of an illusion, a pseudo
hell world confined in this seeming reality with freedoms.
Everywhere you look there are rules, and lineups and
authoritarian Nazis willing to dictate so called policy to you every where you
go. This was not the case in my youth, there was some level of freedom and free
roaming I remember scheming my way all around town pretty much getting enough
money for limousine tours and pizza parties with friends with lots of marijuana
haha but I was more daring back then, these days money and crime and altering consciousness
doesn’t guide me.
I was almost taught the horrors of living in the system
right around 15 years old when I met millionaires, cocaine, raves, money, 10k here
20k there, escorting for $400 an hour, suicide attempt, the list goes on.
Now I just want to carve my life out energetically as much
as possible, live with restraint, and not have a sort of passion about
materialist existence.
Its almost like the devil lead me around for about 6 years
and whispered in my ear you should go here and do this and I would listen and
would get $8000 in US dollar bills in my pocket or go off here and do that and
I would find $1000 in hundreds and then a few years later almost pay for it
with my life.
But I am not sitting here completely regretful, I have lived
like 20 lives in my teenage hood alone, and have thankfully learned from my experiences
and have grown from them. Otherwise I would be sitting in another alter reality
currently playing out called prison where our oversight allows things like
sexual assault/slavery, drugs, and gangs to run rampant.
Its almost like we are in a ten tier prison structure.
But we can build our future in our mind, we can work with
and heal the system around us through paradox and love, and we can recognize
our potential and learn from our mistakes in this system.
Peace Love Unity and Respect blogbuddiez
-
Shaun A. Delage
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