When your so ensnared within the system, your own system
You wonder what will be planned for your demise
Although pretty much anything can be thrown at you
You can pretty much knock anything down
After somebody telling you that they will pump you full of heroin
And sell your body out of a hotel room
You hear of a transsexual escort in Vancouver
Found dead in a shopping cart, naked
You figure that your life is needed to be in tune
The only way you can really escape everything
Is by knowingly accepting a sentence here
And not resisting
Not trying to fight your said sentence
Never before seeing paradise
But a simple rain filled greydom
If you end your life, there are far worse places to go
I find my soul trying to make sense of myself
Only finding more questions enveloping onto the theories
Somebody said they don’t really get what i am saying
Maybe it is not for the average person to comprehend
I don’t write trying to appeal to any specific person
I write as if i am writing to myself
I write as if i am planning for a future flick or surrealist play
I write because it heals me
I am able to articulate my inner pain, my inner beauty, my inner light
Amidst the chaotic darkness
I don’t write with the fear that nobody will be able to understand
I also write because i imagine how the world will be in 250 years
I imagine myself as being a pivotal individual in the ongoing creation of intellectual thought and growth
further shaping the future evolution of the entire species
i imagine people reading my pieces currently and in the future
still holding some amazement
for i was one that was able to articulate my life
however complex it may seem
it is not relayed to us, exactly what is going on, and how.
I can just broadcast myself into their chambers in my remote viewing
I just simply observe, and fill the chamber with my own light
It has left me sometimes, attacked
On a surface level
I am pretty normal
Like any 27 turning 28 year old guy
Living life, as if nothing has really gone on
That i cant explain
Why bother
Why try and make sense of it all
Everywhere you look is a whisper of the enveloped conspiracy on us all
But it is never plain talked about
Only those royal souls dare be in the know
And control every living imaginative aspect of our lives
I don’t imagine myself as a pseudo leader of the resistance
I imagine my words as simply “alteration of sublimination”
The world used to be a heaven
Before every square inch was claimed and trapped in legal jargon
To live in a country where every single being
Could have a nice acreage
Something to offer
Something to grow
Something sculpt and mould
Something to foster
Something offer
We are instead, stuffed into shoebox homes
Coated inside and out in things we will never understand
Afraid of the darkness
Afraid that one day we will all be put in the dark
Afraid that we will not be used to every alien device we enjoy
Afraid that the system that so lovingly traps us
Will one day turn its back on us.
I go about in my outfit fit for a schoolboy
I walk around with the bulge of a playboy
I look at you with the eyes of a cowboy
I seduce you with the touch of a rentboy
I ride you with the vigour of a stableboy
I take pride in being a masculine ladyboy
I hold your hand like a devoted houseboy
I guard you like i am a butch viceroy
I saunter in and out of your life like a toyboy
I wear 5 star outfits like a bellboy
I will always be your pride and joy
I call on my guardians to come see me and i want to travel and take flight
What comes, actually amuses me
A flour beetle
Just flies in and is like, hey wanna take a ride?
I kinda shyly agree, but knowing full well what the trip entails
Ok
He brings me to a super mall
An alarm bell went off
Basically this is the mall where i sadistically tortured myself
Found pieces of people all over
They find me a threat because i would just mutilate myself there
To the pleasure and culling of humanity
Many people gather to watch
Because as i cut and as i harm myself it heals and more people gather to watch
They are transfixed with my suffering ways
Would gladly have an orgy
I don’t know if i actually hurt people here but i figure it is so
The familiarity complex astounds me
I have been here before
They know who i am
Why
Why
Why?
What have i done here?
I can just feel the sickness and death and darkness
Even though i am not a dark person by my very nature
It is just my fragmented dimensional awareness
Something about extreme risk flashed through my head
I can see them watching me
Of course i knew what had happened last time i was here
I sadistically and brutally tortured myself in front of those watching
It wasn’t me though
It was a shadow self, or twin per se
I was blacklisted at this place
But they had no idea how to deal with me here just watch and observe and report
If it gets out of hand
Take care of it as it happens
Police and other security agencies are called everytime i enter the premises
In theory i am not going to do anything
I don’t even know why i am here
I just know of the gravity of the last few situations that took place
Sickens me actually
My flour beetle swings by
“hey, had enough? I was just feasting on a cheese bun”
Yea i told him, and we flew off
I found myself at a family bbq
Not my own family just kind of a neighbourhood thing
One of those scenes out of the early nineties sorta thing
Me and a kid were making some food
Actually he really helped me make this stuff
Without his help i would have burnt everything
It would have been a disaster!
Then seeing us both at the grill and behind the counter everyone started helping
Then time to eat
The fries were really tough to eat
Took about 20 chews per fry
We were all happily smiling as we chewed these damn things
Other than that a pretty good meal
We were all eating out in the street
A girl came over to where i was sitting
And she wanted to take my burger with mustard ketchup and onions bit of swiss cheese and some sprouts
I wouldn’t let her though and i had a few bites
Just splendid
I thought
The flour beetle buzzed by
He told me he was snacking on some cheese and crackers
And that he couldn’t live off a diet of flour alone!
I went with the beetle and flew through a portal
Into my suite
An old suite
Something i could pay for and live in
Something out of Russia or germany however
Not really western i thought
I wanted to paint the shelves in the kitchen black
The bathroom had a hottub style bathtub was only 75 bucks more per month
Although the bathtub looked like something out of a Turkish home
It was in a highrise
There was a panther on the floor
To my amazement he could talk
Was very cute
He was talking about a pin the neighbour was wearing
How it amazed him
He was also wondering whether or not we could put
chocolate in the pasta that i made
i thought was pretty good i snapped back
had a bit of diced tomato and feta
the box it came in said it could sell for $24.00 an ounce if prepared right
although the box did remind me of a pack of black deaths
i wanted to go to the city in this strange place
then the country
by vehicle
just then the panther put its ears back
and got a bit angry that we were going to leave it in this shoebox
looked angry mostly
i said ok don’t worry you can come with us kitteh
the panther was telling me basically
that panthers aren’t allowed out in public
and everyone would be scared of him.
Fear is in the eye of the beholder my dear kitteh
Let people recognize your innermost beautiful nature
And they wont fear you anymore.
- Shaun A. Delage