not really out of survival but I have always been okay just been putting in an extra effort just on a micro level to adjust how I live and it may seem like I have it easy but the freemasons actually use methods to never be known in ones life even though you singally are their greatest obsession like they will advance your life with precision and care but take out all those around you one by one and even kill and you would never guess its them behind it all this black magic sex cult -they target all your closest relations for initiation into their mystical sex cult so they can better control you
its funny you can spend 10 years talking to someone and on the day after they completely turn on you and betray you to the point of no return but I am used to it hahaha nothing can bring me down they tried right out killing me, blackmailing me and they sent their honeypots after me to lead me into life on the wrong path but I always bounce back no matter what its just tough when you have a few long term relationships and then figure out after almost a decade you never really knew that person because if they could actually talk to you they would not have hurt you like that- not my shit to deal with - I have a good life lately but it always was not the case - like a lot of my own personal past feels like 15,000 years ago hahaha cause I have done the work to grow into a new person and I get a lot of these NPC’s popping up all over that seemingly try to frighten me with codewords and things to awaken my memories but I dont care once I pick up on it I just take my hat and move on and move onto other things and people that value me
like they dont have a past or have ever made a mistake and its funny cause most of these types are not actually self aware or even technically a human being really so I am the only actual soul I know of so I only have myself to answer 2 - I have to live with myself for the rest of my life well into my 90’s so its good to be the observer of self and know your strengths and weaknesses and just observe and be aware nothing wrong with that
Of course I struggle like any other being I just hope I can affect change in singular beings lives be it animal or bug or human or elemental or spiritual
SO much chaos in the world right now it seems like mass riots and ww3 but things will only get 1000x worse in the new word order and in the future as things accelerate to a frightening ever presence in the present moment nothing I can say can reassure anyone but letting them know they must work on themselves every single day if not every moment -I know its tough for pretty much everyone right now and even tougher for some people including the very rich or people with animals or children -constant worry and dread about the future that is so uncertain which is why you are reading the words of a spiritual leader right now that incarnated as the laughing stock of the world in the 90’s if that time even existed there is not evidence anymore of it
honestly the last week has been insane to kind of comprehend for me in blessings but I see so many people around that are not having blessings - I dont mean to brag about how good I have it or anything god no but just provide a running confessional discourse so that others may be served with my thoughts and path and living journal
you would think someone like me with my history would have it tough or be addicted or an abuser or something but I have done the work in myself because at a very early age I was exposed to some people that were very rich or powerful that were suffering and essentially tried to kill me so there is no humanity in that obviously hahaha I just knew if I was going to make it in life I would have to work 10x harder to achieve success but I would still need people you know to compare stories with or life experiences with just when you are in the world as a former teen billionaire escort its just funny to come around and do a 360 and like go asexual and independent and work it all out on your own hahaha a few days ago I won a bursary from a guy on facebook that runs a pseudo EDM collective its kind of sevan boemar with a raver twist its all so new and so amazing that someone would personally send me $100 a month for like 5 or 6 months then the next day or day after I had a job interview for the best janitorial job in the city with a local municipality near me -thank god this time I have the protections of a union !!! the interview itself was mind blowing -I go through my usual social anxiety when i have to leave the house so take ativan and listen to confidence or stress reducing affirmations or some romanian minimal to calm me down lol but I kind of knew where I was going and caught the bus 5 stops- I had to dress up a bit and not wear a hat and ended up at a forest pavillion that was very empty like a 4 year old building in the middle of a park where I had my job interview this is one place I will be responsible for along with two other recreation centres met two supervisors and sat across a board room table in a meeting room and I had so much anxiety meds it me it was a breeze but I was freaking out a bit but they just wanted to kind of gauge my personality- I find the job world to be so competitive and extremely unsettling after looking at dozens of the same jobs over and over -a matrix…hahahah anywho I am a secret social butterfly when provoked and really get along with new people and such but after they asked everything I realized I was a star candidate credentials wise its all I have been preparing for all year but I did not envision how much it would actually unfold - shyly backed out and walked back out through the forest not so anxious anymore and got a call I kid you not like two hours later with the news I was accepted what a relief like in this current job market I knew I had to kind of stand out a few days before this I was reading how my province lost like 29,000 jobs so the odds stacked up against me lol
that day I also had to start my college course which is 78 hrs long in mgmt skills so I dont really want to be a supervisor or anything but I think it would help me communicate more effectively and directly so there is a bonus to taking the course and it was all paid for
the online course was pretty cool met a few people from all over the province and as usual a very eccentric instructor and facilitator my first day was fun next day is tomorrow its basically two nights a week for three hours each night with some downtime for work
I have issues comprehending it all I just kind of tune out and process it all cause if I spend too much time stewing over it I am gonna go nuts but have to actually be in the moment and start work next week and its funny my care app and volunteering actually prepared me for all of this stuff in slow ways and even dusting someones blinds or vacuuming just added a tiny notch to my expertise
I always knew I thrived in janitorial but a lot of people are very dismissive of my path like oh you should go into something with more money but its actually the one thing I found in this place that is ideal for my schedule and my need for solitude
I do have a brand new gaming computer I have to pay off lol so I always knew where I was going I did not really think about it much just did the steps to make it all happen
I did not get anything handed to me the easy way
I put in the work over a whole year
I believed in myself against all odds and gonna have a great end of the year and a great start to 2027 despite all of trumps shit the world will keep going long after him
