I've had severe mental health problems since I was a teenager. I cover it all up and pretend to be human in public and I'm barely functioning to non functioning in private. I am a terrible partner... completely disappointing...not as advertised. I haven't been able to work a normal job except for 7 years of my life...I turned 51 on Sunday ..and haven't had a regular job in 18 years. I have trouble being around people...it's very hard for me to keep close friends. I've been trying to get this figured out for 30 years. 2 months ago I was losing my mind...complete breakdown...screaming at the wall cause I can't deal with figuring out what to cook the kids for dinner, crazy. Unable to deal with anything...non stop panic attacks... desperate . Appointments and calls with doctors...Crisis lines...end up in the psych ward...no help, shown the back door. So here we are. Apparently I'm not screaming at the wall crazy anymore...as of 2 days ago...I'm 7 dudes with machine guns surrounding my house, tactical vehicles on my lawn and the street blocked off for 3 hours, crazy. Everything is backwards and broken... Victoria fucking sucks... I finally got to talk to a couple of doctors though and they were probably more helpful than all the doctors and therapists I've seen over the past 30 years. It's just too bad that I had to come into the hospital in cuffs after a bunch of armed assholes sat outside my house for 3 hours.