Landlords in 2006: “$500 rent, $250 deposit. You got a job? Cool, here’s the keys.” Landlords in 2016: “$850 first, $850 last, $850 deposit… don’t ask questions. This is a deal.” Landlords in 2026: “Alright so boom — • 3x the rent (before taxes, after taxes, spiritually too) • $2500 first month • $2500 last month • $2500 deposit (non-refundable if we vibe check you wrong) • 680 credit score minimum… but we prefer 750+ • No pets. (Yes for $100monthly a pet)No kids. No candles. No smoking. No vaping. No breathing. No existing. • $85 application fee (we will ghost you btw) • $300 late fee if your payment blinks at 12:01 • 6 references, 4 pay stubs, your horoscope chart • Background check, foreground check, side quest check • Fee for utilities. Apartment: 550 sq ft (including the emotional damage) Carpet seen 3 recessions Fridge hums like it’s fighting demons Stove got a lean like it’s tired too Listing says: ✨“Luxury living”✨ 😭💀 Stupid mfs