SO I rehashed my life a bit went back to my care app but for my own sanity can only do it two days a week not all over the place then that leaves 5 days a week for my nocturnal sided creativity like I think I will be okay with that its just I do find it challenging and such its just troublesome and will work to rehabilitate that its just one of my appts did not pan out and it just sent me into a spiral along with a potential social dinner with the boss and like yeah went way over the deep end but on some way I recognize this may actually be only one of a few avenues i can safely work a meaningful work I find going to peoples houses and I am dealing with side effects of my meds that are less than pleasant hahaha and yeah i have a lot of fears its just I will just try my best like i recognize I am vulnerable too and have challenges not just the people I clean for but yeah its a work in progress asked my kitchen for a later start time and they were like oh hell no bro go to starbucks lmao it wasnt like that but I was like ok starbucks it is I would not have lasted two hours in a normal life like u kitties lmao I must give you all credit for doing the grind day in day out let me tell ya