so many changes in my own personal life its tough to keep up with it all but essentially I was frustrated with how the last year went with very little responsibilities so I wanted to change all that and kind of grow a bit and needed a bit of a nudge here and there from the world to kind fo put me on the right path see people may think me pursuing janitorial is like what a loser would do or whatever but mixed with my pension and I only have to work about 2-3 days a week and do not need a full time job and can devote a tremendous amount of time to my creativity which is super nice hahaha otherwise I am just an npc achieving very little but the pyramid scheme but for those that can balance a good working life and family life I really must give you a lot of credit I could not do it personally I don’t even know what it would be like to have a kid let alone a cat or a life partner hahaha I have repaired things with my mom after about 5 months of solitude I just came to an epiphany that it will all end up ok regardless and I should not stay angry at my poor old mother I really must give her credit for having a crazy as fuck son to keep up with all day here lol my own path is terrifying because sometimes I would just like to stay in my room and be creative all day but the world has other plans - I am going to be cleaning up a kitchen for a day or so a week in the coming year and its terrifying to start something new I just imagine myself cinderella scrubbing filth and grease all day but its not that bad cmon shaun lol only about 2-3 hours a day to kind of work as an extra set of hands and this is great or them and I get to solidify some more suitable work experience in my field this is due to start in a couple days and the cool thing is once I get more settled and over the fear aspect I can get a coffee or a burger after my shift or if I am super daring see a movie after I am done once a month for super cheap and I dunno I just really fear socializing its my reclusive side and it comes so easy for most people but I am pretty likeable I mean a weird outlook but not strange or disgusting or weird just very deep and buddhist and fearful of people like a true alley cat lol just fostering relationships with two felines I feed outside my door has given me a great vibe and I realize I am probably one of their only good human encounters outside of their families and maybe i am not really meant to have human friends for awhile and that is okay cause I am probably their only friend in life that is just outside of their owners and it gives me great joy that they can depend on me for an alfredo cat pate feast and some cats chow- one cat I think has some form of feline dementia so I think for her to have a positive human role model must be comforting in life for her cause she does not really know what is going on I just want to be a good person for them and pets and just enjoy the time I have with them and understand the process of life because they wont be around forever and I was so blessed to have two elder cats in my life at other times and was heartbroken when they passed but feel so blessed to have known them in this whole matrix out of all the humans they found me lol just me so in about two weeks I have to go to college for 6 days to learn the industry standard for janitorial in my province In my mind I am like oh canada is going to get invaded and there goes my pension but its probably not going to be that extreme lol but like I just want to enjoy it all and learn new things and I can totally do 6 days of college lol it was fully funded by the government which is great about $1300 I did not have to spend to upgrade my skills in something I obviously love and enjoy doing you know if I had $70milion in my account I would probably still do janitorial at night not like 60 hrs a week but would still do it for purpose and to help out a company or facility it would just be by taxi every shift and the money would become pretty funny after while in a few months I will be turning 44 oh man an old koot like deffo daddy age in the gay world lol nice to be employed at that time and not a scared little boy anymore lol oh well anywho wanted to do an update and wish you all well and I am terrified by everything but am on some good pills and smoke herb so I can manage it all okay lol will be cool to be a student for 6 days I get to have luxe student food and I eventually want to do a security license and possibly a human rights consultant license and possibly a mediator course :)