My feelings lately are immense like trying to make sense of my life - like I am ok financially and work hard every day about 19 hours a day but society tells me I should be doing a role here and I feel a bit robbed of my last "role" that imploded a bunch of it was beyond my control and I was harmed almost catastrophically by a church and then I have my mother and my ex living in the same building and they both conspired against me a few years ago like I am sorry that shit is beyond forgivable sorry just adopt each other or fuck or whatever beyond my control just leave me the hell out of it all this fucked up adults adoption where there is a favored one and one that is fucken gross so we render him useless and homeless fucken whack so just to deal with those things like I recognize on some level that I share too much with people so a working life may be out of the question I guess its easy to ignore that I am an author artist and blogger when you are not a wage earner its a super tough life but I just try and make the most of whatever my life is supposed to be it can just be a bit much sometimes....like I retreat into my art a lot to tame the mane and sometimes like to write what is on my mind and I like to tune out and listen to wealth podcasts and listen to a lot of music I guess what I am trying to say is that I am burning bridges everywhere for my own healing and it is tough to live in isolation but it makes me so happy to hear of people that do have proper relationships that are not not toxic like I aim to be gentle and friendly in most encounters hehehe not continue the abuse I just see why survivors of ritual abuse are not really supported or helped and why they just give up not me I have too much of a future and am too driven to live every day but i have to admit its tough - thankfully I can hide behind my 20,000 pieces of art and cry when I am beyond extraordinarily wealthy and afford lots of therapy and cuddle cats lol but yeah its the little things like I got some 70% cacao chocolate the other day shits like $6 a bar now lmao I totally ate it like a rich daddy too lmao felt rich and you eat enough of it you will live so long hahaha that and olives and drink ur greens ahahaha its just a lot of popular culture right now is triggering a lot in abuse victims and in survival its just a lot to keep up with but they never said life would be easy so to speak so here we are

 it’s not about being too lazy to get a job but I just find the competitive job market to be overwhelming and there is not a lot i can do with my schedule and abilities and I find socializing a tough one to muster up courage for it just seems like some of us are supposed to be artists 👩‍🎨 it’s going to be a tough. winter ahead kitties 🐱 tough being the spiritual leader of a multifaith thru the neu world order lmao