love moment by moment - one hour life is lame and going to shit and boring and next minute listening to ambient pet a cat life is so wholesome but yeah its tough when you have a mental illness and like seasonal restlessness I try an alleviate it through SAD lights and meditation but can only do so much sometimes I just kind of nap for a bit to get myself out of that feeling or zone out to chilltrax its all i can do :) I have severe mental illnesses and it seems the worse thing I can do for it all is to be at home on my own forever but it slows down time and just really at peace with your thoughts after spending 25 years alone literally like i worked thru all my demons in the first five years and its like 25 years after that hahaha full financial and spiritual liberation next hahaahaa

 like I wonder if life was this lonely at other times and is for different people

i can see why extroverts "reach out" to other people constantly

and I can see the other end of it the comfort in solitude of a buddhist or urban monk 

I just wonder if it was easier at tougher time in history or 20x worse than I feel sometimes