Just living a quiet life seems to be the most rewarding
not living the fast life in a satanic hollywood curse or lying to people endlessly as a politician with power
or carving up older women’s faces as a plastic surgeon that makes $4000 an hour lol or the power to kill people endlessly as a police officer or locked up against your will in a prison for living in this lane of life
it seems the best gift you can give yourself is living away from all those people working as a janitor in society
not much attention
not much ridicule
not much fame or endless credit cards to worry about
dont have to go to school for a decade
I finally decided on taking my janitorial courses for the most part
I was really struggling with aspects of it like well you are ok you get a pension so why work and they allow me to make an extra $1500 a month on top of all the benefits of a disability pension which is great however its far worse elsewhere in canada and it does help believe me, like I have always used the renunciates lifestyle as a guide to life like imagine if you could a buddhist monk that can live on around $2000 a month hahaha some can and some can hold money and drive and vote like in the tibetan lineages but just imagine some of the more hardcore alms mendicants living with a health stipend for cheese and ciggarettes and chocolate and endless fries delivered to the monastery hahaha which is why I am so comfortable with my life enough that I would spend all my days forwarding LGBT and internet activism and turning on a lot of guys with my blogs and art
hahaha its a very rewarding life
one which I love so much
just being set free from having to work so much or take on false things like cars or investments
like if you think its tough to keep up with everything now -imagine what life will be like in 10-15 years when its normal to have 40 people around your environment at all times or the worlds population has grown by 10,000% lol the news cycle and media will be totally unhinged and insane and more hard to keep up with than now
like there will be 1000x more celebrities
100x more murders 1,000x more chaos and destruction but the ability to tune it all out and mop floors or study or paint or do glasswork will be a really solitary quality in yourself that you can nurture for peace like if you are alone now imagine what life will be like where it is normal to be surrounded by people at all times whether we are forced to live in pod communes or like your family explodes or its just simply more normal now to live with dozens of people next door and all around like I think speaking about having a room or microcondo to yourself will be like an old wives tale or reserved for the super elites to have an environment all to yourself …qualities of 1980’s & 90’s indigo elitists will be a highly sought after enlightened outlook hahaha like so many want to be famous in a week or two but have nothing that can actually make them famous maybe except youthful beauty but that fades and people put a lot of fat on their face and lose hair or lose their sex drive on meds who knows its all just so unpredictable but like everyone is so swept up in popular culture to even start their digital art movement or the first few lines of their book series or do the work needed to start a blog then realize you forgot the most important part which is actual content lmao poor cats
I have already achieved immensity and infamy and now can settle down and mop up an office building all night hahaha at this point in my life I am not really looking for attention or trillions of dollars or photographers or a true celebrity worship existence hahaha I just want a few hundred extra in a position nobody is vying for so that I can continue on plugging away at my hidden empire the rest of the time…people have always accused me of wanting to abuse others for fame so I can attain it then control people with my wealth like why do you even bother ? you obviously want to control a muscle 18 year old with your wealth and tell people what to do all day
haha its funny like I never really think much of what would happen if I made it like big time -even though I have written 2.5 books and done around just under 20,000 pieces of art like I simply just want to be left alone to do as much as I can in the time here but its not to control people through jpegs or anything its simply to leave a vast legacy to people in the future that may appreciate what I have done and if my bills are paid at least I can just continue to do my work uninterrupted -like it helps I have no 9-5 or a husband to sexually satisfy all day or anything else to do it my dozen projects a day and I just love life like this
if it was ever MJ level fame I would need lots of edibles or something to cope cause my cat brain is like so small with that stuff even barely socializing makes me nervous
but yeah I always have known at least about halfway through my collage style and into my stencil then even more into my cutout art style that pretty much about 8 out of 10 pieces has quite the potential to really resonate with people but my intent was never to be a celebrity and have people mocking me for my weight or my every move its just maybe money would be ok but I am not the type to want constant admiration or anything but like money does help with things hahaha its funny like most people I saw at my moms buildings were content with their apartment or being on welfare for decades never really doing anything of merit or substance in life like what a waste of a life and a complete lie to yourself by not achieving anything maybe its coming from ego but I guess the things that I achieved did not come easy and could be construed as quite complex in their offering and nature which is okay but I feel whatever the person wants to do is up to them so why judge someone that does not really want to do anything with their life I mean to at least change it -and move from a working class rough suburb to where all the mansions or condos are lol but yeah then on the other hand I see all these perverts and satanists that have it all and shove it in our faces daily and they are the most detested ones the most sick in the fucken head the most corrupt and foul so why would I want anything they have but they are allowed to exist here in duality as much as I am or you are there is an opposite more evil force here that has the right to exist day by day as much as you do. its ok
see I had a taste of a church job that paid me about $800 extra on top of my pension and that was pretty awesome now I want that again since I realize how hard I work in a normal working class job and that I can which is a wonderful thing to discover like I dont have to just suffer in silence and eat stuffing all day lol but I can go work and make some money to help things out a bit
I look at getting a simple nightly janitorial job as the greatest thing to happen to me in the next 6 months hahaha and this is how we should think always just take small steps to forward your life for the better then pounce when the opportunity hits -I saw so many people content to just watch television and live in their walls all day and to me the world is more expansive than that
when you are on the net its like wow the world I inhabit is far more greater and more reach than my street in canada has lol
its the little things that truly count
like living a good crime free life
or cleaning up after yourself for 6 minutes doing the dishes or sweeping the floor
or feeding the friendly door cat in the storm that comes to you for meatpaste that he has had 100x before and really appreciates having a kind human willing to spend money on him who cannot handle money lol like the way he nuzzles me is so cute -just all the payback I need and i am always happy to feed a hungry animal just put some crow chow down where I smoke my weed will be so happy when they stop by next cause they will know that they can stop at one house out of thousands for some crushed up rice cakes and cat food lol
so one day I will give like granola and all sorts of nuts and good stuff for them but for now it what I have and its enough
I just figure its helping the beings around you with little gestures of kindness and brotherhood that really really matter to a soul but like also with other things like seizing the moment with a larger task only to discover this giant vast house cleaning task was only about 4 minutes lol
seizing the moment is one of the most sought after skills there are rich people that hire people like butlers and personal assistants to really think of reminding them to do all the things they need in a day to be productive when we plebs do not have access to that so the ones that can seize the moment for two minutes to pick up some socks or do a few things around the house to stay organized is a very critical skill in life that people usually dont do unless they are at work being paid for it
its the winter season coming up
it seems the three atlas whatever it was has taken off to who knows where so no alien invasion with mongoloid reptis’s that want to fight or rape us endlessly I guess lol
now I look forward to xmas season
I have found myself in a peculiar situation for once in xmas to be totally alone while some may say oh poor him but to me its like the greatest thing that can happen to me in the world I am so used to going across the tundra to eat a fried large bird and yak about weird shit with my reptillian relatives and for once I can just get a fancy dinner and chill and be in my own world and stop serving other people on holidays for a change
samsara has totally turned my relationships upside down this year but I have always been comfortable in my own company I just want to be left alone if I can
I have distant family all over canada but my closest is my mom in same city so for once i wont see her and I went about 7 years without seeing her when I lived at the lake named after me near here so its all good like I wont cry or anything maybe get some magic mushrooms and vibe lol
this dec now i am booked in a 3 day janitor course 5-7 I will be a college boy hahaha for 3 days about as much as I can handle of that life then in feb the last 3 days and I am a certified executive janitor which is a step up from my church job outlook and I have to steer away from jobs in my field that double as maintenance since I hate that shit and am just a cleaner and focused on that like in the church they were talking about branching my position into maintenance and I was like terrified cause I hate that shit and dont even want to go there or learn.
I discovered in my two relationship of 7-8 years that you can be devoted to someone for that long and be left to carry on alone with $1000 and a goodbye and it all just felt pointless and void of anything that I put in
the past few years I realized that well I am just going to live for my own life for awhile and when I have totally made it maybe then I could entertain something relationship wise but am just really happy on my own and I dont even know why I sought a relationship with some of the obvious fundamental aspects of it lacking nobody thinks to themselves this way like wow I want to offer my mate a good life and be at peace with the world but a lot of us come into a union out of suffering or do not set up our lives involving comfort and security which should be the basics of even offering a cat hahaha so many are happy dating a deranged gangster or someone that drinks or is not productive or successful
see I was always driven even in my two long relationships always plugging away at my online life despite having a life partner but it all seemed to work out
so much change and uncertainty and I see a lot of the young people online in despair and hopelessness because nobody thinks like them here -there is nobody to look up 2 that is a good role model there is nothing to hope for because this place is a warzone now
I am happy that I went through all I did long ago to get where I am now so that I can write about it but there would have been thousands of things I would have done differently but who knows where I would be had I been on a different path.
I just look around in my lottery house rental
and think to myself -I am safe
maybe I did actually ‘make it’ after all
the animals I love just meow my head off or nuzzle into me or rub their mouth on my head and they can sense my soul and the way I look at them with pure love that they have a human friend
maybe my best friends were meant to be cats in saanich
so awesome
wouldnt change it for the world lol
I just think about them often they have their owners but like no family -no lover - nothing really but a bit of human connection and I am just at peace holding an elderly feline with some dementia and I am just ok with the world then, like I have achieved it all.