one of my greatest mistakes of the last few years is totally not taking in an obvious gay hot guy whom was homeless and taking refuge at the church...I don't know why I just kind of carried on with my day - it was highly complex like I noticed someone sitting in the foodbank alcove so I walked up and said hi and asked him if he needed water or granola bars to tide him over till the kitchen opens it was surprising to see a really cute gay boy lol I was just fucked in the head like always but there is a multitude of reasons why- I felt after two 8 year relationships I was done. who wants asexuality forced on them when they are a sexual - I did not want to abuse my position at the church for the most vulnerable - if I have a spouse on my pension it gets all fucked so not my cup of tea -if I took in every cute homeless person I saw at the church it would have been a full time job hole open 24/7 hostel disgust pervert lmao but like I always regret not saying like I am finishing up my shift if you want to come inside then take the first bus home with me lol it was so forward in my mind after that but like I am not at all assertive maybe 1% and I barely think of things in the moment just kind of hours after unless I am in danger I act very quickly but like I felt it was a pseudo construct of the matrix -like just the last thing on my mind since 6 month prior I was a few days away from his situation I should have had more compassion and been more about open to love but yeah.....hahaha I am getting used to being on my own after so long helping men with their lives its like last thing on my mind and so many people have deep issues I have to like figure them out a bit instead of like *bam here is your husband have fun lol