after two really toxic relationships of over 5 years - I just don't expect of my husband to be 1) asexual 2) militantly anti masonic like me...so for my own sanity resolved to be single most of my life - so many people just are not comfortable being alone and I have spent about 8000 days/nights in relative solitude and when you run that much time on your own you begin to really respect your creative drive and surviving on very little I was co dependent for so long but am realizing my inherent independence from that and while it is a lonely path with lots of time to reflect and motivate yourself I am much happier on my own with nobody to endlessly entertain and support financially