Tuesday, June 28, 2022

figgledew by guru z3n8


So Much going on lately its hard to keep up with...just back at the gallery doing my shift as a gallery attendant...I thought it wasn’t going to work but its all good I was just a bit overwhelmed at the last exhibit over 20 people at a time and just chaos greeting and a very busy street corner to keep up with –I find it extremely taxing as an introvert to do this stuff..just endlessly greeting people alone is taxing but honestly its not just that its really stressful in a sense to hold safe space for people to explore their artistic creative side so humbled by the opportunity to gallery sit its my dream job and like my other jobs it doesn’t pay at all but totally appeases my creative dreamy side....I thought it was a good step to volunteer cause I desperately need a working reference and some real life work experience...onto the other events in my life I am pretty sure I want to start at a pricey private art skool its gonna be a lot of debt but I figure I am so talented in graphics it would be no big deal to pay off a student loan see at my current debt ratio I will be debt free in about 2 years and my skool will end around that time or a year after and I replace that debt with my student loan debt, I just do not know if I am really employable so I really had to think things through... do the math, see what my monthly payments would be etc but a big driving force is that I will get at least 5-15k off my student loan so about half due to grants and bursaries....see an employer is looking for somebody with a wide range of knowledge of static graphic design..not some niche male artist that plays around on a free graphics program...you have to have an innerstanding of fonts, sizing coloring, packaging, advertising, form and people, and I have a super PhD level knowledge already unfortunately I just cant do anything with it other than my niche so it makes sense to study in something I am extremely talented in...pay the man way sooner....honestly I cant even afford the admissions fee lol how the fuck am I gonna take on 30k-45k CAD? I just have to be able to see ahead and with my portfolio as is I would be offered a prestigious position. So to have a real working knowledge of theory and the mechanics of graphic design would be useful it’s kind of a capitalists version of making it as an artist. Thankfully my skool is all online and it is something I really wouldn’t mind doing the rest of my life, I was just not meant to be digging holes in the road in hot weather barfing my guts out –honestly it wouldn’t make sense for me to go into nursing or cleaning or teaching I have zero interest in those lol ....I think my skills so far would be a tremendous asset over somebody just starting out in the program I use paint.net so its a free program from Microsoft I dabbled in photoshop but found I could do everything 10x easier in paint plus I can cheat a bit and use a filter in paint hahaha my massive decade in second life has given me a tremendous amount of experience in creating random graphics of all sorts for all different things signs and store ads mainly haha I feel so happy I started in the metaverse long before now cause it has at least a five year learning curve. Honestly I just cant picture myself wearing a suit and tie...I would rather declare supreme authority and wear llamas robes to my Toronto advertising agency job I will get hired for at 78k a year lolz J I just have such a vast undertaking online everything from porn blogs to ministry to art to virtual land to domain names to contesting just even keeping up with endless emails on an hourly basis proves challenging. I know I am talented in graphic design to the level of a prodigy but ego aside I just have to have faith that eye can afford to pay off the student loan but the way it will work is that if at the end of the course I cannot work for a living I could obviously work as a freelancer or something but the debt is affordable and its good debt – I just do not want to suffer the next 20 years honestly from as far back as I can remember my grandfolks are super old and these days even older and it seems they have always been kind of old so it showed me that a span of 20 years for example is a very long drawn out process...I just do not want to be like the people in my working class neighbourhood just never really achieving much in a whole lifetime..it just astounds me how many people can waste away 30 years drunk as a fish smoking their lungs out and never really amounting to much but just paying rent and feeding themselves keeping their survival in check but really never achieving any sort of immensity or achieving anything relatively profound. I am nearing about 8000 pieces of art soon –I will have a final tally in the coming months  but boy do you ever feel great in life after completing 1k 2k 3k -8k pieces of art...warhold did roughly 10k in his lifetime I think I can do about 100k by the time I am dead if the weird masons don’t get to me first...My home life is stable and serene and affirming but difficult I will leave it at that I am just thankful that I am housed that I am fed everyday and not homeless so grateful so happy it could be a lot worse...I have fears like any urban indigo eltist born in 1980-2000 ish I fear getting old, getting disease, not finding a love interest and being alone my whole life...I fear being poor for my whole waking adult life just really suffering through foodbanks and social handouts can be tiring and exhausting and taxing I figure the gods gave me talent over riches so I will make myself rich with talent...its a scary scary world out there...people being burned alive on busses abortions being nixed weird cults running the earth...it can be tough to navigate the immensity of the world....I figure being born in the west was a great great lottery win the fact that my birthright is so opulent and magnificent it is such a blessing to live somewhere and get fresh cold (or hot) water at will on tap anytime you need it have a toilet you can do your business... an ice box to keep ur meats in ....people really do not know how fortunate we are to be born in a country like Canada...thankfully there is some additional disability income in the works and basic livable income coming to fruition soon so it will lift many millions out of desperation and addiction and suffering it will lift so many of my gay and native brothers and sisters off the streets and it will allow people to live a life of dignity and pure love knowing they are taken care of every month...funny thing is I probably wont need a basic income I will become a multi multi millionaire or start work in no time...I will always remember the struggle I had and always be so compassionate for suffering, hunger, poverty, activism, animals, the drug addicted, the suffering...So there is so much to fear but so much beauty in the world as well...what a time to be alive...I strongly believe we kind of choose to be here in this free will prison planet which is ironic..we actually wait thousands if not hundreds of thousands of years to incarnate from the astral worlds into this masonikkk tax farm can you imagine...there has to be a heaven out there for all of us indigo elders that affect change in the world, we cant just end up in shopping malls our whole eternity eating cheerios all day paying to live and eat so we literally don’t die...What an insane world but like I said there is beauty out there in the form of beautiful men, cats, dogs, birds of all sorts, nature, music, food, love, etc so its not all that bad...I was born in the 1980’s and see things were done differently back then...imagine this for a second, this one rec center I went too as a kid had all the peoples lost and found like gold chains and watches in a bin categorized in envelopes the day they were found, just anybody could go up and take 10 gold necklaces if they wanted... we simply do  not have the mechanics like that in this matrix anymore, there is no grit like in the 80’s we have such an evolved way of life, but even romans and Egyptians etc thought their time was the most evolved...just with advances layering on it is immense to be human, powerful gods follow around mere humans all over the place we fascinate them we have an infancy that they admire, they know our true path spanning many millions of years, each and every single soul can achieve quite a bit in this little life if you have courage and the ability to think way outside of the box...we are getting there but there is so much to be done with suffering poverty matrix mechanics etc people are just beginning to innerstand things like non binary intersex asexual and incels and other intriguing facets of humanity and we are at a level where we can be open about our struggle anonymous online and have no fear of retaliation but able to thrive getting your deepest desires out there for the whole world to hear, there is everything on my podcasts from how to be a trillionaire to a scat eater to like a woman that desperately wants to have sexual activity with animals even buying a stuffed horse.... so if you open up to the real world you can really understand the complexities of being alive...poverty is a big one, some people lack the motivation to do anything and these people must be taken care of financially and assisted with social welfare or they become addicted and sleeping on the street why do we not even care for these people, why is there such an immense amount of suffering everywhere you look? So many comforts that we are used too are just not afforded the animal or insect realm this place can be quite literally a waking hell for some beings and it is so vast that we just care not think about the mother hog that gets brutally slaughtered with her neck cut in a slaughter house, how dare we think of that ‘poor pork’ I  feel so sorry for even eating meat but the animals just taste so good if they tasted horrible I would not eat them lol I don’t really think I am going to be eating insects anytime soon but beyond GMO fake meats are a good step I found long ago in my Buddha hood I needed the complex proteins of meat to stay alive on a daily basis literally nothing in the vegetable realm fills me up and I tried everything from tempeh (ick) to rice and soy and cashew and hemp and almond milk, still $8 and two gulps and you are done the package lol yikes...of course what they are doing to the animals is brutal as fuck but you have to be able to choose the middleground in all avenues for peace and reflection if you do not like to inflict suffering on animals eat the cheeseburger one day and then choose a veggie meal the next day....I don’t even get vegetarianism let alone veganism, I just love cheese milk eggs and stuff to death even people that are vegan cut out wheat and its just mind boggling lol So with an expensive pricey art school on the horizon its kind of immense what life is throwing at me....I just have faith that I can handle it ....I know a lot of my readers might say but fuck shaun this is 45k CAD were talking about are you really that good....hahaha yes I have an unwavering confidence in my artistic ability and integrity paying off 45k in student loans will be a breeze if you are making 45-78k a year hahahaha with a real solid understanding of graphics theory I think I can go from ditch broke to multi millionaire in like a decade hahaha if you can help companies envision something into a static graphic that speaks what they are trying to convey they will pay you richly –also I have the option to further my eduction into visual moving animated graphics but I have never really liked them just for blogging etc so not really where my passion rests, I really like the actual static non moving graphics that you can adjust or fix if you need too...I have worked tirelessly from a scattered collage style to a clean crisp corporate logo with stenciling it is quite something and fun to do looking at beautiful men all day hahahaha I couldn’t ask for a better job I guess the other options for me outside of Warhol skool is a career with animals or non profits or as a receptionist but a lot of those require a lot of social skills I just do not have...I am slowly learning to be more social and assertive which is nice but I am not even remotely there yet...just recently I got my cell phone upgraded I am such an old fuddy duddy I feel things should last 16 years when you buy an electronic I should really keep up with upgrading every chance I get hahaha I got a kewl upgraded version of my iphone SE they are the ones you can get for zero down instead of like 1200 for a fancy new iphone 12/13 etc I have never given into this kind of materialism and really am a late bloomer in a lot of things but epically unique in my own ways I just want to have a really good life filled with good food, lots of techno, a few besties, a soulmate I just adore, a cat or two and be surrounded by love and beauty at all times ....So many pets I have lost I cant even imagine how I would feel about people....its funny being a forty year old teenager lol I still have a lot to learn and a lot of life lessons to innerstand including loss...a lot of my teenage hood and young adulthood was brazen and dangerous but I have learnt from it all and continue to learn on a daily basis...I also find that you can be a non reader and still be intelligent...I get a lot of my knowledge from audiobooks and podcasts and simply by reading things on the net all day you tend to be quite intelligent when you have a diverse understanding of the world and its complexities...if you are listening to a world famous scat star it doesn’t mean you want to eat scat yourself but want desperately to understand why some woman would do that sort of thing....much like if you read a satanic book or bible it doesn’t mean you are a Satanist or occultist it just means you are curious or perhaps want to understand the enemy a bit more...what makes them tick so to speak, its ok to go into uncharted waters its ok to be different its ok to be bizarre and strange its ok to be YOU...Each one of us is different and when you begin to tap into your individuality and presence and begin to ask yourself why am I so different? What is the force that keeps our soul inside a body all day? Where do I go in my sleep? Where do I go after this place? Where did I come from originally? Why was I born in Canada one of the richest countries on earth instead of Ethiopia? Why am I not disabled or blind or deaf? Why was I not born rich or a prince of sorts? Why must I live most of my life in my own little world....so many questions and believe me nobody has the answers...only u do... –Guru z3n8