The all
powerful guru hahaha its funny when I try and bring my ego into real life
trying to explain to somebody that I am his serene highness, of what?
Buddhism!! Lol J I
am so vastly different than my online persona- it is brutal being me tho and
just trying my best –honestly working at least 5 hours a night and it never
really paying out ever is kind of brutal but I don’t tend to look towards money
or anything I just trust that I am doing my best with what I have. I am still
astounded at the ego of working people who have very little talent but still
come out as a victor due to their wage slave mentality. Its kind of defeating
though but I just hold out till one day I will make it!!..So out of my own
frustration with the working life, as an artist I make some small strides
towards being actually employable and out of the hunger games –see my area is
working class deffo not a wealthier suberb so the struggle is real everywhere
you look and you have to kind of stay on guard. Its just so ironic that I dare
call myself the emir of Buddhism yet cant even put food on the table...so
monastic...I super wanted to ordain several times in my life but I am so anti
authority I wouldn’t fit in at all –I was meant to start my own faith, how can
one direct others on their life path if they are in survival mode? Well life
experience is pretty awesome, to come from a life of adversity and suffering
remains one of my greatest strengths. Why am I born into this existence? Why cant
I fit in anywhere? Why am I meant to suffer endlessly...well I don’t have all
the answers...you would think that if all I needed to lift myself out of
poverty is like $2000 to afford a nice cache of food and some new duds why it hasn’t
happened in over a decade? This reality is guarded by a very evil and
disgusting force that only rewards those who worship it. If we were guided and
protected at the highest levels we would be able to manifest way more swiftly
the things we desire..Much of my life I just hate, I hate struggling I hate
surviving –I did not have the same chances and opportunities that I saw some of
my boyfriends have like unending family financial support etc the ability to go
to an elite private skool – the ability to have your folks give you a bailout
if you need it...But all of this is meant to build character and when I do have
my world handed to me it wont be by mistake..This world endlessly supplies
people with no real talent at all the ability to develop their ego with a wage
and there is a much deeper reality than you can perceive, I strongly believe
this is a literal prison planet matrix of sorts where rebels are locked up and
forced to slave away until you die or you literally starve, I have scoured the
internet for purpose for something I could do, honestly graphic design and
advertising are some of my strengths but I am not willing to go 50k in debt to
have my reality unfold –I figure I am better off waiting until I can afford
something...see everything literally everything here has been built from the
ground up and nurtured but it only takes one rave anomaly to discover that this
entire waking reality is illusion, will I ever fit in? Hahaha I hope so...most
artists are not given any recognition until after they die...Honestly any god
or angel is a quintillion miles away and you are not within their thought
realm...this is why it is essential that you work through your frustrations and
keep going...even despite all the challenges you can make it! Being asexual is
kind of tough while you identify with having a love for men you just really don’t
know how to express yourself by putting your penis in random men so you are an
oddity...I will always go down as one of the most real people here that
struggled and tried his best –I think I have a very long time here, I have always had my health but that is just
so immense to comprehend, why this place? Why this country? Why am I on the
west coast as opposed to the east coast why am I in Canada as opposed to new Zealand?
So much of our celebrity worship culture is complete illusion the entire Hollywood
apparatus is illusion only meant to make you feel inferior to their mk’d slaves
that get everything handed to them...nobody knows what they do for their money
and believe me you don’t want to know. I still just hope that one day I can be
a bit more in the moment and assertive and that I am doing my best with what I
have. Honestly my struggle is nothing compared to most people...I look around
my room and have a desk a chair a guru’s dias a bed a bedframe and a closet full
of clothes a dresser and some PhD’s on the wall I am not doing so bad, I can
just really feel peoples struggle, why people choose a fast life of drugs and
crime over the usual...we have lost so many souls in this place to suffering
its immense. I have been trying to be more social lately but I can say it is
tough, energy wise etc its a tough adjustment but if I don’t do anything with
my life it will go nowhere...I am kind of a prodigy in the arts so it makes
sense to fulfil that need and that I do...I have been making stencils for my
male art for the past few days and its a tiring process but nobody could do
what I do and nobody would ever really understand how I did it all, even to
make 7000 pieces of art in a lifetime is a considerable achievement but the
funny thing is even now nobody is really busting my door down to give me
praise. Its only when I talk to artistic minded people that I can self promote
a bit and feel proud of my accomplishments. I don’t even know what I would have
done had there not been techno on earth hahaha when you have monastics as a way
of life everything seems to fit, you only get the middleground nothing more
nothing less...I am so troubled by all mainstream faiths its astounding – I wanted
something in the form of a faith that was not based on lies and something for
the kewl kids to believe in !! When you really look at it I am just an ego
maniac loner that is looking for recognition, its like when do you stop on the
7th doctorate? 8th? Shouldn’t a PhD know grammar? Hahaha honestly
the world does not really tune into you until its too late...bam you are
reincarnated elsewhere, so much of our reality is suffering the way animals are
killed so we may be nourished this is definitely a hell for some beings to be
slaughtered in a slaughter house, where is their god? Where is the mercy? Where
is the compassion....I just watched a bit of a show where a woman was eating
household cleaners? Wtf at least my life is not like that hahaha oh man to be
an art form takes skill to be a religion takes even more skill but to recognize
what steps need to be taken before you are a faith of sorts what a difficult
hell we all live in, please have faith that the answers will come to you at the
right time and that god or the lord Buddha will eventually answer your calls
for peace and for full liberation, not just financial. Could life be easier for
us? Of course, with an enlightened leadership –instead they chose satanic child
abusing coke head sellouts to guide us all instead of highly evolved and spiritual
natured divine beings...it is nice to emulate people in society that you find
intriguing but understand that they were probably invited to a realm where they
are of use and are totally welcome, God I wish it was easier to manifest in
life..and then there is the fact that you may never manifest all you seek what
a cruel place to live, but if you are born of the west and are poor just
imagine how you would feel walking miles just to get water or not have any
option of any service open to you like a food lineup etc even to gain social
welfare benefits takes a fucking miracle and they almost refused mine countless
times I had to go to the hospital about 5 or 6 times for over a month before
they even offered it to me, see I have to remain on a medication to make better
choices in life and what a blessing that this found me so early in life, I just
wish it was like 10-15 years sooner and my life would have been drastically
different. So much of our world is suffering and chaos...When you calm the mind
and use things like affirmations you begin to build the confidence needed to go
through life. I think some of the greatest things in life are techno, the
internet and art –I couldn’t imagine what my life would be like without even
one of those...blessings in the dhamma my blogbuddies and I wish you peace and
serenity on your journey and may you all find what you are seeking....which is
why you are here day in day out. The matrix is hell bent on programming people
and souls endlessly, I have been in my own world for about 22 years mostly up
nights and in 22 years I have only watched a few weeks worth of teevee, why? Cause
most of the stuff on television is so beneath me intellectually and I get more
benefit from listening to affirmations than I do by reading or watching movies,
not to say you cant find enlightenment I am sure there are boob tube freaks
that are enlightened in their own regard but the way these people lead their
lives is just laughable and props up this system endlessly. What have I been
doing for these 22 years? Doing art, blogging, contesting, writing, reading
stuff and exploring the net...Can you believe there is still people around that
think we are the only thing around in this galaxy? I figure a lot of people are
pretty damn stupid to believe that but I hold out that there must be
intelligence somewhere...They will never ever open this galaxy to the rest of
the universe the rebels and royalty housed here are far too valuable to be let
go...This matrix prison system is guarded by nuclear weapons and a control grid
and tons of controlled entry points where only freemasons can enter or exit and
there are protocol to follow for these types, they do not let anybody out that
is seen as a threat so to speak conformity and a rule abiding slave rat only,
most likely most of us here have been placed here against our will by
intergalactic dominion/empire...So the chances of you ever figuring a way out
is pretty slim, the only way you are afforded exit is through death and the
astral. Anytime I hear of things like cancer or shootings I always think well
they got their chance at escape that I will never have...the issue I have is
surviving amidst decades of abject poverty even to buy a proper wardrobe is
really defeating I do okay I mean I am good at budgeting and stuff and fare
well when I do need something I can always make room in my budget for necessities
I just cant help but think of what if most of my money was play money? Hahaha life
would be so fun, you just cant lose your empathy when you get resources you
have to help others this is one of the biggest most essential qualities to
being alive, is to help and assist others, may it be may it be- Guru z3n8
