Hey hey
blogbuddies I know its been months since I last wrote... Wow my life is super
picking up – I have been taking baby steps at my mental health clubhouse and
that has been epic to be able to figure out that I need to get out there a bit
and gain some work experience so I have catapulted myself into being a
volunteer gallery attendant, I just did my first shift at a wonderful gallery
in downtown Victoria, the staff are all so nice and the patrons are even cooler
hehe I am resolving to better myself on a weekly basis which means actually
sitting down and doing a few hours of typing a week for discourse and
eventually get to the point where I want to continue the 3rd sequel
of zenophobic. Wow what a great time to be alive, but it could also go crazy at
any point... be warned, There is a lot of chaos south of the border and such
and we could see a total erosion of most civil liberties in the next little
while. Its just that people continue on with their lives almost immune to the
suffering around them. When you are hyper sensitive you begin to innerstand
suffering at all levels...I totally believe that each individual graced with
wealth of sorts should have a year or two where they really struggle without
any resources so they can see the realness of what they are about to inherit
and how wealth does not solve any problems it just makes it easier to solve
problems with more resources. A lot of targeted individuals and such go on
twitter and complain about how they are so victimized when it is up to an individual
to change their lives...honestly I cant just sit in my room all day which is
why I made the steps to carry on into the real world a bit lately and it is a
very nice thing to reach out into your world and utilize some of the services
out there available to you to better yourself. See I have been stuck in an
isolated world of poverty and nocturnalism for around 22 years, I have grown a
lot enlightenment wise and written a few books and did like 7k pieces of art
and operate several blogs and contest and stuff like that but I realised in my
efforts that to make some solid changes I will have to actually be pro active
about changing my life, one of the greatest chav hinderances to my existence is
that I am trapped in a government benefits trap where I get paid once a month
but don’t really have a wage open to me at all so I cant really think like a
slave per se I have to think strategically, while all my basic needs are taken
care of, I still do not have the ability to just partake in a lunch out or buy
a few things to complete an outfit, what a sad life when you just cant relate
to anybody in a financial sense and I am sure people are like wtf are you doing
shaun are your principals greater than your need to eat? I love being creative
but it isn’t really going to pay the bills hahaha I want to get to the point
where I can support myself who doesn’t hahaha I find my life to be extremely
challenging which is why I have thought a lot about the MK ultra and mind
control and targeted individuals...in depth...while I identify being involved
to some degree with MK ultra as an intelligence asset or a sex worker to the
elites –I strongly believe these days I am NOT followed around endlessly and
targeted but more of a soft involvement in targeting and I usually have my full
awareness and choice making skills available to me, they couldn’t fund a
program to watch me, I literally go out once in three weeks hahaha so they are
better off just tagging all my electronics and such but they do this to
literally anybody these days, I see a lot of targeted individuals crying on
twitter about being given directed energy weapons and such but these tend to be
religious fanatics looking for donations for their victimization etc...While I don’t
discount the aspect of myself being included in some of this paranoia I also
recognize that this is my fucking life and I will not waste another minute of
it in my room from midnight to 7am I have done enough of this to drive somebody
totally insane, thankfully found my
meditation and affirmations and can manifest a way out...this is not open to
people of lower intelligence etc which is unfortunate....But I do find that the
lord Buddha tests me in social situations to actually see how adept I am in
compassion and empathy. I am not disgusted by people that are suffering more
than myself, I actually can relate, I always look at people coming into my aura
as beings that require healing of a dimensional nature and I would never ever
insult somebody or make them feel sad for being not up to par etc we all have
challenges and issues, which is why I struggle so much with my gay identity –I find
gay culture to be extremely judgemental and just endless sass and hostility
towards things they don’t understand. I find that by having a loving compassion
for all beings you are able to really better yourself and you feel proud that
you are able to assist others even if its just with a smile. Honestly I don’t know
where my life is leading to, right now, but I am making the baby steps needed
to better myself...this gallery volunteer position is like my dream job !! I
just sit in a gallery for 5 hours and greet people and accept donations... I don’t
have to do hard work which I am really scared of due to my nausea and I don’t have
to do the mainstream stuff associated with the working life like scripts or
sales etc I am able to be me, and while the gallery attendant may not pay very
well like most of my pursuits I am doing what is truly making me happy and it
may lead to something more fruitful later on, for now I am just enjoying each
shift and making strides to better my outlook and intellect...not many people
can afford to nurture their being for 20 years they are simply to occupied in
the matrix to look within. While my life may be riddled with poverty, no hope,
hunger, and chaos now, I can strongly feel her serene highness in my life
currently helping me to understand what is important for my growth and my
wallet to just reach out a bit and show the world what I am made of. I just
think that by avoiding most of my adult life due to choices I made as a teen is
a wrong approach but some people are so injured by reality that they want none
of it ....I don’t want to be so sad about my past that I never want to live
life....what a sad life –I want to thrive, be successful and help others
including the marginalized and animals but to find your true path takes some
very scary steps in between. – Rev Shaun D
