Saturday, May 07, 2022

disgusteen by rave rev


Hey hey blogbuddies I know its been months since I last wrote... Wow my life is super picking up – I have been taking baby steps at my mental health clubhouse and that has been epic to be able to figure out that I need to get out there a bit and gain some work experience so I have catapulted myself into being a volunteer gallery attendant, I just did my first shift at a wonderful gallery in downtown Victoria, the staff are all so nice and the patrons are even cooler hehe I am resolving to better myself on a weekly basis which means actually sitting down and doing a few hours of typing a week for discourse and eventually get to the point where I want to continue the 3rd sequel of zenophobic. Wow what a great time to be alive, but it could also go crazy at any point... be warned, There is a lot of chaos south of the border and such and we could see a total erosion of most civil liberties in the next little while. Its just that people continue on with their lives almost immune to the suffering around them. When you are hyper sensitive you begin to innerstand suffering at all levels...I totally believe that each individual graced with wealth of sorts should have a year or two where they really struggle without any resources so they can see the realness of what they are about to inherit and how wealth does not solve any problems it just makes it easier to solve problems with more resources. A lot of targeted individuals and such go on twitter and complain about how they are so victimized when it is up to an individual to change their lives...honestly I cant just sit in my room all day which is why I made the steps to carry on into the real world a bit lately and it is a very nice thing to reach out into your world and utilize some of the services out there available to you to better yourself. See I have been stuck in an isolated world of poverty and nocturnalism for around 22 years, I have grown a lot enlightenment wise and written a few books and did like 7k pieces of art and operate several blogs and contest and stuff like that but I realised in my efforts that to make some solid changes I will have to actually be pro active about changing my life, one of the greatest chav hinderances to my existence is that I am trapped in a government benefits trap where I get paid once a month but don’t really have a wage open to me at all so I cant really think like a slave per se I have to think strategically, while all my basic needs are taken care of, I still do not have the ability to just partake in a lunch out or buy a few things to complete an outfit, what a sad life when you just cant relate to anybody in a financial sense and I am sure people are like wtf are you doing shaun are your principals greater than your need to eat? I love being creative but it isn’t really going to pay the bills hahaha I want to get to the point where I can support myself who doesn’t hahaha I find my life to be extremely challenging which is why I have thought a lot about the MK ultra and mind control and targeted depth...while I identify being involved to some degree with MK ultra as an intelligence asset or a sex worker to the elites –I strongly believe these days I am NOT followed around endlessly and targeted but more of a soft involvement in targeting and I usually have my full awareness and choice making skills available to me, they couldn’t fund a program to watch me, I literally go out once in three weeks hahaha so they are better off just tagging all my electronics and such but they do this to literally anybody these days, I see a lot of targeted individuals crying on twitter about being given directed energy weapons and such but these tend to be religious fanatics looking for donations for their victimization etc...While I don’t discount the aspect of myself being included in some of this paranoia I also recognize that this is my fucking life and I will not waste another minute of it in my room from midnight to 7am I have done enough of this to drive somebody totally insane, thankfully  found my meditation and affirmations and can manifest a way out...this is not open to people of lower intelligence etc which is unfortunate....But I do find that the lord Buddha tests me in social situations to actually see how adept I am in compassion and empathy. I am not disgusted by people that are suffering more than myself, I actually can relate, I always look at people coming into my aura as beings that require healing of a dimensional nature and I would never ever insult somebody or make them feel sad for being not up to par etc we all have challenges and issues, which is why I struggle so much with my gay identity –I find gay culture to be extremely judgemental and just endless sass and hostility towards things they don’t understand. I find that by having a loving compassion for all beings you are able to really better yourself and you feel proud that you are able to assist others even if its just with a smile. Honestly I don’t know where my life is leading to, right now, but I am making the baby steps needed to better myself...this gallery volunteer position is like my dream job !! I just sit in a gallery for 5 hours and greet people and accept donations... I don’t have to do hard work which I am really scared of due to my nausea and I don’t have to do the mainstream stuff associated with the working life like scripts or sales etc I am able to be me, and while the gallery attendant may not pay very well like most of my pursuits I am doing what is truly making me happy and it may lead to something more fruitful later on, for now I am just enjoying each shift and making strides to better my outlook and intellect...not many people can afford to nurture their being for 20 years they are simply to occupied in the matrix to look within. While my life may be riddled with poverty, no hope, hunger, and chaos now, I can strongly feel her serene highness in my life currently helping me to understand what is important for my growth and my wallet to just reach out a bit and show the world what I am made of. I just think that by avoiding most of my adult life due to choices I made as a teen is a wrong approach but some people are so injured by reality that they want none of it ....I don’t want to be so sad about my past that I never want to live life....what a sad life –I want to thrive, be successful and help others including the marginalized and animals but to find your true path takes some very scary steps in between. – Rev Shaun D