Tons of questions....so little answers...what are we all doing here? In this spot in time? Are you your brain or your head or do you reside just above the body? What keeps us imprisoned in the body like a pearl? What gives you your thoughts? Your inspiration? Ur creativity? Who gets to decide who incarnates as an animal versus a king or queen? So many rules to follow... or you become like me and distrust everything mainstream lol.... So many people study the creative mind...only because its so rare in a society that indoctrinates as many as possible into a logical, and ritual nature....that we forget our dreamy creative side trough most of life...Honestly I do not really get this planet much, I know I have a deep respect for things I do not understand like families or the working life...I do not work because of some complex issues, not because I am lazy or unproductive but because I truly cant do what is needed to be employable for the most, this is the nature of disability even a mental health issue can restrict somebody not just out of fear but out of the inability to conform to a daily schedule, or they lack motivation, or they do not think about things critically or clearly...or in my case suffered an injury so catastrophic it rendered me unable to work with any dexterity related option for my entire life...and take away the ability to work from a person and you take away their purpose in a society that is inherently slavery minded...I don’t type away to be mean to myself, I am a realist though and I just have a loving compassion for my struggle almost losing my life at the hands of a guy I loved tenderly ...honestly most people do not have to deal with almost losing their life until they are very very old usually so it doesn’t really resonate with a lot of people until its too late. When u are faced with some of the issues eye faced in my teens when my brain was still developing including doing drugs at least 500-1200 times it makes you into quite the anomaly, that thinks differently, that observes differently and that feels thing differently...So many things holding me back but I excel in the creative and I may work for free and be laughed at for 20 years but eventually I will come out as the victor and be totally fucking loaded with fiat and properties etc that just hasn’t been in my focus lately – I tend to see the illusion of everything so it would make sense that I choose the total opposite of what the rest of the slave rats are up too...slowly I am making bebe steps to become a tad more employable, like volunteering at a gallery and socially engaging myself in a mental health clubhouse, slowly engaging people I meet on the street actually one of my most favorite things to do in the world is compliment people on their dogs...I know it sounds weird but people just gush when you compliment their animal it makes me laugh cause even the most muscled man will just melt when you ask what the doggos name is and it happens to be cuddles lol I think exposure therapy is one of the most incredible therapies I have done, it started a few years ago where I resolved to walk around the block late at night just once when it is not raining just to stretch my sore butt from being on the computer so long but just that two min walk on a nightly basis virtually got rid of my fear based nausea where I would literally puke every time I left the house due to my social anxiety...then after about a year of that I felt that I should open up in a supportive environment like a mental health clubhouse, and a few visits there got me into thinking about how I need and want to change my life and how I am the only one that can do it....so well not gonna launch myself into 40 hrs a week but I can spare some time I have more than enough of and just devote 5 hrs a week to my new position the gallery attendant gig, its super up my alley and fitting of a reverend and PhD
I feel so honored to talk about the arts to people now I am on my third shift and what an incredible experience...Had I not had the courage to walk around the block for a year and teach myself that it is safe, that it is okay to walk around and that there were not grampas in Masonic aprons at every corner waiting to feast on my tendons I think I fared pretty well, See people underestimate the power of making choices, the choice to get up in the morning the choice to go on the bus and get off at the right stop and fight your fucken way off the thing lol but just to choose in little ways baby steps in the right direction, for somebody that is introverted and shy let alone has a serious mental illness this can all be extremely terrifying especially when you don’t know who the enemy is and who isn’t who is out to eat you and your fat and who is your friend.... its an extremely exhausting thing to do live your life in such a terrifying world to exist in, I don’t know all the answers but it really feels like this place is more of a prison reality and less of free will than you think a system built on rules and objectives and anything that is different or weird will be snuffed out. But still there is god everywhere you look, at animals, crows, dogs, worms...its in the warm sunshine rays of the divine mother...its in a tasty meal you put in the slow cooker 10 hrs ago, is in that incredible hunk o a man you call husband who has that ‘big dick energy lol’ its everywhere you look but just jaded with conformity and rules and objectives which I find infantile and pointless....given their objectives in humanity are to constantly feed cravings I would rather starve then do what everyone else is doing....I can kind of sense that wealth and resources are as much illusion as being a chav minded poor guy....you just have ten times more resources to give you better decision making skills...you are able to alleviate pain more with money, you can have a wealth of options open to you that somebody without money just doesn’t have open to them...so much of our wealth is spent just surviving eating entertaining, drinking, vices etc could you image how you would feel if all your money was mostly fun money? I don’t even know what I would do I just would want to make the right karmic choices to further that mechanism into the absolute not digress into becoming a yak for my next life for spending too frivolously lol I am manifesting vastness and it has been a 22 year journey of tons of meditation, affirmations, visual vision boards, and really working out what to do with each cent of the amount I am manifesting its quite something...I am almost complete in my lottery budget but still on a nightly basis I knock a million off somebody because they were a cow that night hahaha its quite funny!! The power I have the power I wield. You have to have a plan for your resources and you have to literally make sure you take care of your needs for the rest of your life, you have to give at least half of it away for the most part to family friends and charities, and you have to do a bit of system busting....Honestly if you inherit vast resources and spend it all in 2 years there is no saving you...when you get a windfall you have to make sure you are taken care of for at least 30 years but also make steps to acquire more things with your annuity like precious metals or investments to cash out when you do not have the annuity coming in, people think well just give me a million and I am set for life....but you need to take care of yourself for a long time and a million isn’t gonna do it...think about 35 years from todays date see you are used to things as they are now you know a loaf of bread for $5.99 but in 35 years that same loaf of bread is $350 so your annuity or whatever you planned out was totally cast away with mad sick inflation and these masters price fixing literally everything so you have to be prepared to literally make $30m of the $70m you are manifesting to buy you more opportunities for when your money runs out in the form of RRSP’s or angel investing or fringe investing that only you know how it all works like whiskey caskets for example...there is much more ways to make money than stocks and real estate and some of it is super risky and has the risk of never paying out but when it does....when it does the payout on investment ratio is like 900,000% in your favor if only you had the courage to believe in yourself. One of my craziest idease is domain names, I estimate that I could buy up 10k .coms for about $8m for 40 years of maintaining them but see I turned the $8m into a $7BILLION dollar portfolio if my domains are bought at full price I stand to make $7B on my $8m see any venture capitalist would drool at this type of offer, so far no biters yet the Qataris never pulled thru lol. Honestly when it all does manifest –I will be truly ready...I will have a plan, not to be a lottery statistic that blows thru it all on rentboys and coke and a private jet here and there see even if you win under $100,000,000 you are still the lowest on the wealth bracket than a lot of these old money types and are still a laughing stock its only when you get into the hundreds of millions or tens of billions that you have truly made it...I just don’t know why people would spend $4500 on a plate with a single tortellini and two prawns on it with fish eggs when you can get totally full with a flame grilled burger and poutine and a large pop for like less than $20 at burger king...I would rather buy the burger and pop and give all the amount that I saved to a homeless feline charity for more pate and kibbles and litter but you can outsmart the person in the brand new jaguar with your work ethic hahaha oh to dream its one of the greatest gifts in life. Without dreaming or food or music or art or nature for example many of us would have given up long ago...I attest to my enlightenment being the fact that I listened to thousands of hours of tekno in my lifetime that has totaly rewired my train of thought....totally!!!
Will I make it? Well its not set in stone but I am manifesting it and there is one small thing that could be a nail in the coffin is that all I am manifesting may not even come in this lifetime....honestly I don’t want to suffer in my next life so its worth it...if vast resources doesn’t hit it would be catastrophic to spend 20-30-40-50 years trying to obtain a dollar amount and never achieving your goal....I just have faith that the world and her serene highness goddess of the universe and the absolute is kinder than that ;) What a lonely world if you and your adult mother were forced into the homeless life together to fend for yourself simply because you didn’t have the motivation and drive that others seek, what a sad life sitting on a street corner getting drunk with no home, wiping ur vagina on your walker and drinking a bottle of vodka in the street -thankfully me and my momma are doing pretty well for ourselves and we both have a good head on our shoulders but it wasn’t always the case...nobody is ever assured an easy life here....is this hell? Well its pretty damn close, all this religious and capitalist shit and the endless Christ shit, it really does make you wonder about why we are all here at this time in life to experience this moment reading the crazy cat person rave reverends words...what a special thing u know...that you have found me amidst this entire matrix of sorts to read my words out of an infinite amount of words and scenarios out there and you found me...quite something....quite amazing, and thank you most of all...-rave rev