Monday, July 28, 2014


Seeing a pet go through the process of death again has given me a new sense of responsibility and quite a bit more compassion for suffering, from the smallest of insect to the largest animal we are all struggling to survive any way we can.
I am at peace with my beloved daughter cats passing but I just hold dear to me that I have given my animals a good home, waited on their needs head and foot and totally gave my service to them so they may feel better and be at ease with their life.
All I need to take me through this is the fact that I gave them all the love I could and served them endlessly and with loss, you discover compassion. It was extremely tough a week prior learning we had to put her down, essentially starting the grieving process early.
I have no doubts she is the techno party in the sky, able to escape physicality.
Being a physical being isn’t easy, we always have the threat of death or sickness, and most people do things to make themselves sick but we do it anyway because it comforts us, like smoking or drugs or food for example.
All I wanted years ago was to become a Buddhist monk, and here I am, ordained as such living in my forest kuti and studying the esoteric and the dhamma and studying the philosophy behind the thai forest tradition.
I wrote my mom a letter the other day and told her everything that pisses me off about her lol I think people process things differently like death and grieving and anyways I wrote it and wanted to set the record straight on a few subjects and was a bit mean in the process while leaving the word bitch out.
Instead of giving her the letter I am going to have a closure ceremony, and bury it. The important part of my whole writing the letter was the truth coming out, but to me personally the most important part is that I KNOW the truth, I cannot advocate for her soul or anybody else’s. What I am here to do is to work on my own issues and escape the endless cycle of rebirth and countless past lives mistakes. So I wrote her a 4 page letter setting everything right but I feared that it may break her in a sense so I have the respect for her to let it all go and understand that it is in the past and to go through the process I need, to bring closure. **update, I have decided to send the letter and am letting it sit for a few days, really we don't have much of a relationship anyway except with gifts on holidays so I have nothing to lose at this point, it has some negativity but it is written with love and sent with the truth in mind, if she can't accept the truth than that is not my problem**Essentially this is what I have been doing of late because I took my manifesto down and I am beginning to let go. It is a tough process and some people can’t let go, forget or release the past hence why we have so many people addicted to things, or doing crime (or in jail) or sad and depressed.
They simply were not taught nor look for ways to release their anger and negativity.
Believe me when I am done here, I don’t want to go through the process of birth and youth again and sickness and death. I would love to ascend to much higher realms of beauty, intelligence and love
And perhaps reincarnate in a few hundred centuries when we’ve actually made it lol
I have a new respect for the simple mom, that doesn’t see herself as much but a sandwich maker and house cleaner and maid, because essentially people that keep the house going, make nutritious meals, and provide emotional support not to mention the only one that will actually clean the toilet......I see them in a new light because they offer a stable outlook, love and sensibility.
I believe my beloved cat is up there helping us out down here by putting in a good word to the powers that be, and that she is happy and well fed, she will always be in our hearts and she will always be in our lives, we have loved her unconditionally- If only a few people suffering could feel that for just one hour.
Keep your heads up, it’s a tough world out there but thankfully the powers that be gave us techno and meditation and wine and 420 and nice happy pills that make us smile hehe
Take care blogbuddies
-Shaun A. Delage

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