People may wonder, why bother? Why write? Why share so much
of yourself online?
For me personally it is a sense of redemption, being so open
online. A way to forward my own thinking process and release pent up philosophical
notations and creativity. But I have also learnt that by sharing some of your
mistakes you have the ability to affect change in a person’s life and help them
make better choices and build their thinking process.
I was pondering other ways of receiving enlightenment, and I
have released audio discourses but did not get very many listeners. Some people
speak enlightenment, some show it, some act it, some sit quietly thinking about
enlightenment, some people artistically present it, and some write it….eloquently.
I have had a lot of time to think about my choices in life
the past decade or so, and the mistakes I have made and how much I have
changed, and the outside forces involved. The power that I personally awakened
in the matrix and how I have literally won the game by my own choices, and able
to live a peaceful coexistence with my loved ones, and am able to grow from a
very jaded history and massive amounts of adversity. But for the most part come
out of it, alive, not imprisoned, not addicted, not wounded per se. This is a
feat that not many are able to come to terms with.
I look at this blog, a very personal and intelligent
collected works of my weekly journal entries and I sometimes ask why? Why do I
do this? And the answer is simple, it is my karma, and it is a gift to have all
of this available for people to learn from. Because life isn’t easy, it can be
damn sad sometimes and other times painful with disease or surgery, sickened by
finances or obligations, some are trapped in unenlightened partnerships, and a
vast amount of people are born with advanced forms of extreme ignorance or
completely unintelligent outlooks and ego’s
I look back on some of my rave days and wonder was it all
worth it, hell yes haha but if I would have done it again I wouldn’t have done
hundreds of points of crystal, thousands of caps of xtacy, multitudes of lines
of coke and an insane amount of mushrooms. I still deal with the health effects
of all that drug use and suffer greatly but it has also made me into a pseudo
genius.
I still remember the ugliness you could see in people
sketching for their next pill or fiending for some more heroin or whatever and
the sunken in eyes at 5am when they turned on the lights after a rave that
seemingly only lasted about 10 minutes after you popped the pill of X
Perhaps a gigantic societal psy ops, or the dark one
experimenting with tweaking the fate of thousands of partygoers a night. I just
think back to all the people I have met, essentially calling them, all my
relations, a very native terminology. Somewhere in between there and my crime
sprees and my sex work as a teen and I unlocked some very powerful situations
with some very interesting people –essentially making a cast of characters in
my life so to speak that I seemingly cannot recover from no matter how hard I
try.
Seeing how all those people were ten years ago, I am sure
that quite a few have died from copious amounts of drugs and continue to haunt
my dreams in terrifying episodes of sleep paralysis but when I wake and come
out of the terror I find that reality has a certain level of love and comfort
in it.
But yet again I realise the sorts of astral places or
dimensions one can end up in if they do harm in society and do harm to beings,
which is why I am thankful that I am over and done with an adverse set of
situations and individuals.
Now I can focus on bettering myself, my mind, my world, and
helping others on their path, including small animals.
When you develop compassion for things you don’t understand
you begin to unlock places in your soul you never knew existed. Things like
family, crime, drugs, abuse, pain, relationships, and choices, some of them can’t
be solved, it was simply made as an impression on your life to better your path
and your decision making skills.
I write here because it is my gift to you, and humanity, a
legacy, so that all beings may understand the vague nature of a raver Buddhist,
and my only hope is that ALL beings be released from suffering.
-Shaun A. Delage
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