No better time than for a universal dispatch than now
This past week I have been job hunting, man hunting, and in the middle of my own personal retreat.
I have also been dealing with the roller coaster of marijuana and the flood of emotions and the paradoxes of addiction
While it is nice to be me, I find in hunting for a job there is not much I can do.
My dexterity haunts me. I mean I cant serve coffee because I will spill it on people and I cant do tasks that require dexterity which is like 90% of jobs out there
And for those that don’t know I am a suicide survivor and along with my schizophrenia this loss of dexterity due to a serious self inflicted suicide attempt leaves me completely detached from the system
It is almost like I am forgotten within the matrix, an exile.
It is easy to get swept away in things i like to do like writing and art and virtual worlds
Part of me wants to blend with reality a bit more.
In hunting for a man, I don’t really think there is anybody with the qualities I seek...Family just visited and I observed the relationship dynamics at work and I question whether a man is right for me.
I don’t want somebody to defeat me or whatever at every turn.
I kinda want somebody that sees me as their equal
So it has been a wild ride on ascension. Not much planned for the next week except the GYM and chillen and reading some of the conspiracy novels I have.
I have been taking a break from writing my sequel because of the loss of 15 chapters
I am kinda grieving
Life is tough for me at the moment , but it could be alot worse
I mean when you live in a society where all of your basic needs are taken care of. Why complain ?
Be at peace with your existence.
I have faith in the future, that the world will open up to me as well...not just countless others.
Just have to be patient
- Shaun A. Delage
