Living across from a military base and in my introverted life i have come to an understanding after 28 years that my path may include a monastic life.
I have come to terms with this decision lately and rightfully so i feel it is a somewhat stressful choice to leave the householder life on a path of literal homelessness
There is a few things i like in society like being around those i love, some of the tasty things to eat, a few things to buy but i have realised that after having 3 ebook readers and all of them die on me that society is somewhat of an illusion and its toys as well to keep us distracted
See i don’t see myself as enlightened what i see as enlightened is my path. My path has helped me to understand a bit more about myself and the mindset against me.
What is holding me back from being a monk?
Well my medication and diagnosis is #1 and this should not hinder me
My credit card is another thing
And my cell phone contract
LoL
Then i have the looming thoughts of no sexual activity
And no snacking and no hair
And my mind races
I am just supremely uncomfortable with life at this point
And considering what is available and what is being offered
I look at it as this , there is two choices for me, death and enlightenment
And i definitely don’t want to die
See i am thankful that i live in a province that has ordination available.
I don’t want to dabble in illusion anymore or be around people that generally have no care for me or to even communicate
I long to be around people of my own kind.
Now this brings up some interesting points in my head of my own self come 2012
I wonder why my own self is being positioned in a Buddhist monastery just before 2012
And i think well it is me, and by that point i hope to attain full ordination because there is a period of a year or two of training
I also want to see the world. Buddhist monks get to travel haha they get to take the odd trip here and there and i think that would be cool to go to a Buddhist country
I also want to attain enlightenment but also start aiding my own path of karma by being in complete service to others for the remainder of my life.
I feel i have taken so much and really taken a beating karmically and i feel my own personal salvation may come from a lifetime in service to others that i may be essentially released from coming here again and again.
I guess in a way i would like to evolved to a buddhic plane or an enlightened place rather than this place
There are so many rules to becoming a monk it makes me wonder
I have always struggled with the words of my psychic i saw back in year 2002
“You will have ALOT of power and authority”
So i fiendishly enter these hospital lotteries like an animal trying to win a million or two with my hundred dollars and bam to this day nothing has happened
But recently i have began to understand the concept a bit more
That, power and authority can come without money
And this makes me wonder – because only i can come to the decision of I WANT TO BE A MONK
Nobody can tie me up and throw on some makeshift robes and say you are a monk
Plus there is stuff like if i was to be a monk it is pretty hard to see where i would be with some direction and guidance from truly enlightened beings in say 5 years or 10 or even 20
By the time i am a 50 year old monk i could be running the place and that would seem pretty trivial to what i was going through currently
See with me, i have no other path. Believe me i have tried many options
And the only path here is just collecting money for god knows how long lol and spending what little i do have on the odd 420 joint or making sure i have enough to eat for the month
My life doesn’t make sense to me
I have ALWAYS wanted to be a monk since going to vipsassana meditation, paradoxically they are listed on my captivation piece ...oh how funny it would be to go back there and meditate with them as a full on monk lol
There is a hidden community that has left the householder life
See who wants to get up at 5am and not eat dinner and shave their head
Not really many people but when it is your life you would learn to adapt
So it is with great honour that i announce my plan to become a monk in the thai forest tradition at sitavana Buddhist monastery in Kamloops on april 5th 2011
I feel i have helped articulate as much as i can in as little time i can to at least start the process of intellectual thought going and i have provided a history to my being in digital form so it may aid others in their path
The church of techno will always be alive
**************UPDATE = i am not becoming a monk after all but this posting relays my in the moment impressions of the situation so i have decided to repost on the blog
- Shaun A. Delage
